When an FBI agent comes in contact with someone’s mind altering dark side, she must make to tough decision to kill him and end the monster’s destructive ways or face the consequences of her actions of letting him live.

Leviathan Samurai Asked on December 5, 2018 in Horror.
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3 Review(s)

Not sure if this got lost in translation… or was rushed in its writing, but this logline is confusing.

What does “…comes in contact with someone’s mind altering dark side…” mean?

What does “…must make to tough decision…” mean?

Which monster are you referring to?

What destructive ways are you referring to?

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on December 5, 2018.
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Making a decision describes a scene. A logline describes a plot.
What is the plot about?

Does the psychic kill someone and the FBI agent is tasked with tracking the bad guy down; and the story ends with the confrontation described in your logline?
Does the story begin when she comes in contact with the psychic and the story is about the consequences of her letting him live and what she must do about it?

In other words, does the scene in your logline describe your inciting incident or does it describe the climax?

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on December 5, 2018.
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When an FBI agent comes in contact with someone’s mind altering dark side, she must make to tough decision to kill him and end the monster’s destructive ways or face the consequences of her actions of letting him live.

In general, this logline suffers from obscurity and generality.

Let’s see, first, the 3 essentials:

  1. EVENT: ?
  2. CHARACTER: an [ADJECTIVE HERE] FBI agent.
  3. ACTION: ?

So, all we have is a generic FBI agent, with no other personality traits.

Then, we have:

1. Someone with a mind altering dark side: I agree with the previous comments; you need to get more specific. This is most probably your villain, but it can be anything: Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader, The Thing, The Orphan, Dracula—or a psychic, as Richiev put it. What does your story have?

2. Then, we have the agent’s decision to kill him: since when do the police make decisions to kill or not to kill people? Police officers or FBI agents are supposed to arrest criminals, not kill them.

Moreover, as it has been said a lot of times in this forum, a decision is not a movie action. A decision lasts for a few beats. It cannot drive the plot of a whole movie.

3. The consequences of letting him live: vague, too; we know nothing about that. Elaborate, please.

4. Are you sure this is a horror and not a thriller or a crime film?

giannisggeorgiou Samurai Reviewed on December 6, 2018.
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