When an idealistic new Prison Psychiatrist is threatened by the resident Crime Lord, her only hope is an aging Hit Man kept in solitary confinement so long he has lost his mind.

    Psychological Thriller.

    Samurai Posted on April 26, 2012 in Public.
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      Great logline, but I do have a petty suggestion. How about adding a comma (,) after long, it threw me just a little.

      Default Answered on April 26, 2012.
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        When an idealistic new Prison Psychiatrist is threatened by the resident Crime Lord, her only hope is an aging Hit Man kept in solitary confinement so long he has lost his mind.

        How is she threatened? It doesn’t sound strong enough to set the story in motion.

        Would the logline be weaker if you said “her only hope is an aging Hit Man – who lost his mind”? The reason why he lost his mind is not essential to understand where the story is going.

        Now there is also the character journey. It seems as if the psychiatrist will become more pragmatic and less idealistic as a result of this story journey. Can you include the dilemma that will force the main character to let go of her idealistic approach?

        Default Answered on May 7, 2012.
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