When an insecure screenwriter writing a screenplay about Al Capone is captured by Capone himself, he must escape the gangster’s clutches before he is tortured into writing a screenplay he hates and shot in the head.

    Logliner Posted on February 22, 2016 in Comedy.
    Add Comment
    4 Review(s)

      The basic premise comes across as comical so it definitely is working as a logline, however I believe it can be improved on.

      Firstly why is the main character a screenwriter? If there is no particular reason I would change him to a journalist writing a story for a news paper, it is a medium with a much faster turn around and it can be reacted to by other writers and or news papers.

      The inciting incident would be Al Capon capturing him not him starting to write, therefore best to make this clear and put it at the start (like Richiev suggested).
      Lastly when dealing with Al Capon the stakes are pretty clear, so no need to mention them.

      Here is a re worked version of Richiev’s suggestion:
      After he’s kidnapped by Al Capone and made to write the worst screenplay in history which glorifies the gangster, a screenwriter must fake his own death in order to escape.

      Singularity Answered on February 22, 2016.

      Thanks Nir. Your review is helpful. Why make him a screenwriter? I thought I could make some kind of subplot how Al Capone has connections in high places in old Hollywood. And the old Hollywood setting would be fun…however changing it to a journalist could would answer the same requirements. Al Capone with his journalism friends in high places. And the press of the period is also an interesting setting. I might rework the logline and change the screenwriter to a journalist and see how that plays. Cheers.

      on February 22, 2016.
      Add Comment

        It’s a bit long, just want to see if I’m getting the elements right. I see this as a Coen brothers style black comedy.

        Logliner Answered on February 22, 2016.
        Add Comment

          “When he’s forced by Al Capone to write the worst screenplay in the history of screenplays, a kidnapped screenwriter must find a way to write the script, fend off Al Capone’s horny mistress, while figuring out how to fake his death so he can escape.”

          Singularity Answered on February 22, 2016.

          Hahaha, I love the horny mistress element!! I was thinking more along something like Misery where he’s trapped and forced to write (but make it funny) but the horny mistress could be a HUGE distraction to the hero… 🙂

          on February 22, 2016.

          Thanks, I was just trying to think of how to up the ante

          on February 22, 2016.

          I’ll find a way to work it into a revision of the logline. Anyway, what did you think of the idea? Can you “see” it in your head?

          on February 22, 2016.

          Are the necessary elements there?

          on February 22, 2016.
          Add Comment

            What about a more contemporary story about a 2nd-tier, minor league gangster, who idolizes Al Capone, who wants the screenwriter to produce a script for a reality series that will elevate him to the 1st tier, major leagues, will bring him the celebrity status  like Capone enjoyed?

            An updating of one of the premises of the classic movie “Network”,  perhaps, but maybe it’s time.

            fwiw

            Singularity Answered on February 23, 2016.

            Hmm…not a bad idea!

            on February 23, 2016.
            Add Comment

            Your Review

            By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.