When an MMA fighter finds out that her estranged country singing father has witnessed a murder and was injured resulting in amnesia, she must overcome her abandonment issues and protect him from the murderer.
Can’t help but wonder… if he has amnesia then surely the killer’s got nothing to worry about? Why don’t they just go to the police? Surely they could protect him better and then she doesn’t have to worry about dealing with these issues?
Can I ask what films this will be similar too? Is it a buddy/father/daughter comedy action – like 48hrs/Rush Hour? Or is it more serious and darker – like Logan?
I think you need to trim the inciting incident down. At 22 words it’s a little long and could easily be shortened.
Hope this helps.
And what is the scale of his amnesia? Episodic,– he can’t remember the murder? Or chronic, the memory of his whole life previous to the murder has been wiped out — he can’t even remember her?
And why must he be a country singer? Why is that the defininng characteristic of his character?
Again I get the feel of a situation and two characters in search of a plot. What’s the itch you’re trying to scratch, the theme you want to explore?
I see that you have already rewritten several versions of the concept already. May I ask, what is the part that moves you most?
Is it the fact that the daughter has to get over her resentment/issues with her father in order to save him? (Check out Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail, for a similar inner journey, by the way.)
Or what is it?
At the moment, it feels as if there are a few irrelevant elements forced into the logline, which do not necessarily make a dramatic cocktail.
I suggest you take a breath and see what moves you. This will determine what you can build on.
One of the fundamental problems with this concept is that the inciting incident happens to the father and not the main character. When she finds out that he witnessed a murder nothing major happens to her and it doesn’t directly impact her life. Therefore, I think that her resulting action seems poorly motivated as it lacks a cause and effect relationship with what preceded it.