“When he discovers the wild animals he’s hired to kill are actually outback Aborigines, an old west sharpshooter uses his rifle skills to take down the greedy landowner and protect the very people he was hired to kill.”

Richiev Singularity Asked on November 8, 2018 in Examples.
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2 Review(s)

An American cowboy hired to kill `’wild animals`’ in the Outback instead uses his sharpshooting skills against his Australian employer when he discovers his job is to kill Aborigines.
(29 words)

Awkward.  My principal concern is that the original version  buries the identity of the protagonist in the logline.  He’s not identified until almost 1/2 way through .  So if I were to stay with the original version, I would lead off with “When an American cowboy — clearly identifying the protagonist by the 4th word instead of the 18th.

fwiw

dpg Singularity Reviewed on November 8, 2018.

True. But it is the inciting incident, which I don’t normally panic about.

on November 9, 2018.
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–Quigley Down Under–

Richiev Singularity Reviewed on November 8, 2018.
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