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thedarkhorseSamurai
When he learns the one that got away is getting, a man sets about winning her back, with the help of the fiance’s ex, only to fall for her as well.
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I finished writing a first draft for this and haven’t quite let it cool off – so go easy on me ha.
Now – I pitched it on logline.it back in last year (July) where it garnered 3 votes which then gave me the confidence to go ahead.
https://loglines.org/logline/when-he-learns-the-one-that-got-away-is-getting-married-a-man-sets-about-winning-her-back-with-the-help-of-the-fiances-ex-only-to-fall-for-her-as-well/
As you can see – the logline has changed. I do honestly reckon the logline always changes when writing.? (Unless it’s just me and I should’ve just stuck to the original. The odd thing is – very organically, it just sort of happened.)
Hopefully – it’s more “primal” (Blake Snyder’s words not mine) going in with the sister. Aristotle too, mentions that “the tragic deed” works best when kept in the family. So that’s Blake and Aristotle on my side (weird, weird pairing).
Okay… let me have it ha.
Note: I’m using Michael Tierno’s interpretation of “the tragic deed” – which is the worst, most horrible thing/physical or emotional suffering that happens to main character or someone main character knows. Regardless – Aristotle still mentions to keep it in the family which is good advice. I mean DEATH WISH works because he loses his wife not his dentist.
Also – looking at the log. I could perhaps chop “soon-to-be”. It should be clear who it is.
What sets this apart from all the other plots that can be described by a similar or identical logline?
What’s this guy like? Why so hung up on the girl? And if he falls for the other girl doesn’t that solve the issue? Leave the girl getting married alone. Wouldn’t it be better tension if the girl helping him was also secretly in love with him? Only when all is lost does he realise he found someone he can love… Maybe your story is good but there’s no hook that makes the logline sing with unique intrigued.
>>>only to fall for her as well.
Does that mean he’s now in love with both?
Is this intended to be a romantic comedy?
What is your story hook?
The logline leads off with “When he learns the one that got away is getting married, a man sets about winning her back” — you know that will immediately incite the thought in Hollyweird minds: “Oh, it’s a male version of? ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding’.”? Is that exactly the reaction you want?? IOW:? what differentiates your movie idea from that movie ?? The alternate gender of the lead?? Or…?
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DPG -?
this is what you said last time…
At 32 words the logline has the basic elements:
An inciting incident: ?When he learns the one that got away is getting married,??
A protagonist with an objective goal:??a man sets about winning her back??
A strategy for achieving his objective goal: ??with the help of the fianc??s ex,??
And a midpoint plot twist:??only to fall for her as well.?
The midpoint plot twist is an element that distinguishes the project from ?My Best Friend?s Wedding? (1997) with which it will inevitably be compared. It also sets up an interesting dilemma for the protagonist and hints at his character flaw. Maybe his pursuit of the one who got away is a vanity project. Or maybe, like Shakespeare?s Romeo, he?s in love with being in love. Is either woman really the right one for him?
This is a movie I would like to see to find out the answers. Best wishes with your writing!
I’m guessing the fact that I’ve changed “fiance’s ex” to “resentful sister” – ?doesn’t turn you on. Have I changed the chemistry too much?
This reminds me of Goldman’s “Nobody knows anything” mantra ha. If right now, I were to post something that people loved, then post it again in six months, would people hate it? Who knows.
Nobody knows anything, right?
Is that exactly the reaction you want?? IOW:? what differentiates your movie idea from that movie ?? The alternate gender of the lead?? Or??
With this logline, it’s the fact they are sisters. It’s primal. The sister is a disgraced child star. A black sheep. She’s trying to get back at her perfect sister – and unexpectedly falls for this guy whilst she unexpectedly mends things with her sister.
The MP –?the sister’s dilemma, she realises she likes this guy, she realises she’s mending things with her sister – all whilst trying to undermine her sister’s wedding, and help this guy get back with her.?
Meanwhile, our hero is rose-coloured – and steadily falls for the imperfect black?sheep sister… The imperfect sister means hard work, commitment, responsibility. All the things he’s been terrified of this whole time.
(This is when you say, I should flip it and have the sister as the main protagonist. However – it is still the hero’s story – he is the one taking action. It is his story.)
Our hero has put up the soon-to-be-bride on a pedestal this whole time and steadily realises… they have nothing in common. He’s put her up on a pedestal because she’s unattainable and wrong for him and because he’s afraid of getting hurt. He’s delusional.
(But love is madness, right?)
So clearly, this is all heading towards disaster.
And love is blind. Blah blah blah.
Admittedly I could potentially revert back to the old logline – the sister is still the fiance’s ex. I honestly thought the sister angle was better. That’s the hook/twist. Aristotle. I’m keeping it in the family.
As opposed to two rose-coloured exes – it’s a bitter, resentful, disgraced child star sister trying to get back at her successful, beautiful, popular sister.
And the guy – he’s this workaholic anti-romantic who learns his ex is getting married, steadily turns into a quixotic romantic, then steadily lands back on earth when he accepts the cold, hard reality… he is genuinely love with the other one. The one who he previously despised. (It’s a rom com after all.)
The two rose-coloured exes angle reminded me of ADDICTED TO LOVE (with Meg Ryan).
?
I’ve changed it to “bride’s black sheep sister”. Hopefully that conjures up the right images and does some heavy lifting.
1. It’s the worst thing to happen to our hero. (She’s the black sheep sister from hell. She’s a mess. )
2. It suggests odd couple.
3. We’ve got a fish out of water.
4. The twist/hook – is an interesting dilemma. (who is he genuinely in love with? the crazy black sheep sister or his perfect dream woman whose wedding he is actively scheming to stop ha.)
5. There’s a time limit/deadline. (the wedding)
thedarkhorse:
I may like a story idea but still have concerns about how marketable it is in its current form.
As I have said ad nauseam, I believe the single most important, make-or-break element in a logline is the story hook.? Of course, a well plotted story is necessary — but, imho, it is not sufficient to close the deal, make the sale.? I believe that a plot also has to have a story hook, an intriguing, tantalizing, unique idea or a fresh twist on an old one.? It is a feature that can be stated in one clear, concise statement.
A clear, concise statement that can be instantly understood, that has immediate appeal.? A producer or director just gets it and likes it.? It doesn’t have to be explained; it just has to be stated.
?
I’ll just go with the original then…
It got 3 votes. People liked it. I can still use it.
You have to agree though. This does prove “Nobody knows anything”. There’s no real certainty ever.?
DPG – that’s exactly right.
?… not one person in the entire motion picture field knows for a certainty what?s going to work?
? and every time you compromise your vision because someone pretends to know better, you?re sacrificing the chance to prove them wrong.
If I were to post something now and you liked it…
Would you still like it in 6 months time?
There’s no certainty whatsoever. It’s mad. But it’s true.
It’s the cold, hard reality of this business.
Anyways – I’m going to put this one aside and get some distance and work on some high concepts ideas. (Sort of. Kind of. Maybe.)
thedarkhorse:
Let me clarify my position (again);? I may like a premise — but I may have questions or concerns about the execution of the premise.
At this moment, based upon what you’ve explained, I’m confused.? You wrote:
“With this logline, it?s the fact they are sisters… The sister is a disgraced child star. A black sheep. She?s trying to get back at her perfect sister “
Okay, so far so good. But then you wrote:
“? and [the black sheep sister] unexpectedly falls for this guy whilst she unexpectedly mends things with her sister.? The MP ? the sister?s dilemma, she realises she likes this guy”
Now I’m confused.? Who falls in love with who first??? Does the girl fall in love with the guy first?? Or does the guy with the girl first?? Do they both realize it at the same time?? Who owns the MPR? (Midpoint reversal) beat?
And, frankly, based upon what I understand the story to be about, the black sheep sister now seems to be a more interesting character than the guy.? One reason, is because she seems to have a more interesting dramatic dilemma.
Just saying.? One person’s opinion.
DPG – thank you for your reply.
Hmm – I’m wondering if it’s a better strategy to post a logline without explaining it later on. Obviously – the logline/concept/idea needs to do the heavy lifting. This is where you are exactly correct.
In response to your confusion. (Looking at what I wrote – it does sound horribly confusing.)
Now I?m confused. Who falls in love with who first? Does the girl fall in love with the guy first? Or does the guy with the girl first? Do they both realize it at the same time? Who owns the MPR (Midpoint reversal) beat?
They fall in love at the same time. They both own the MP beat.
And, frankly, based upon what I understand the story to be about, the black sheep sister now seems to be a more interesting character than the guy. One reason, is because she seems to have a more interesting dramatic dilemma.
Perhaps so – but it’s not her story. (This is why I feel perhaps I shouldn’t elaborate so much what happens and just let the logline do the talking.)
Also – as for my theory that there should be two loglines. This experience makes me wonder if one should have ONE solid logline throughout. I dunno – I’m learning by getting beaten up.
As always – thank you for your thoughts.
As for me, I’m either going to let this script cool off for a bit, then polish and send it off to my manager so she can tell me off or I’m going give it a lot of distance.
We’ll see.
(In fact – perhaps after the distance, I can be genuinely objective and attack the logline with new strength and gusto. We’ll see.)
thedarkhorse:
Based upon my incomplete understanding of the plot, my flawed perception is that the black sheep sister has more dramatic work to do after the MPR than the guy.
All the guy has to do is stop being a total jerk, stop trying to sabotage the wedding, right?? But the black sheep sister must not only stop trying to sabotage her sister’s wedding, she must also effect a reconciliation while concurrently resolving her own conflicted feelings about her sister.
And maybe the guy does, too, but don’t the bonds of family mean she has a deeper emotional and personal investment — stakes — in the outcome?? She’s embroiled emotionally in a family fight.
And per Aristotle’s dictum, the best tragedies, hence, drama occurs within families, between blood relations.? What deepens the tragedy in Romeo & Juliet is that it’s not just a conflict between two clans.? Their clandestine marriage puts Juliet on a collision course with her loyalty to her clan after Romeo slays her cousin Tybalt.? It also puts her on a collision course with her father’s demand that she marry the Prince.? (Women in those times were the currency for transacting alliances.)
There is no comparable collision course for Romeo within his clan.? Romeo initiates the plot, certainly, but in my book, Juliet ultimately has to make the more difficult dramatic choices.
But I digress.? It seems to me that the black sheep sister’s character arc is greater, and ergo, more dramatically compelling.
Again just saying, my 2.5 cents worth.
Bear with me, it’s all quite raw still.
Thank you for your time and in-depth comparison to Romeo and Juliet.
Okay here goes…
The MPR – the black sheep sister’s dilemma (mended relationship with sister vs undermining sister’s wedding/ falling for this guy and getting this guy back with ex.) Which is yes – an interesting dilemma.
The guy’s dilemma (he has a chance/opening with the one that got away vs he is falling for this woman who he previously despised.)
I’d like to point out this occurs in compressed time (24 hours) – before a wedding.
The guy (despite his growing feelings) rejects the black sheep sister, goes after the bride (who confides in him that she’s pregnant and is genuinely and madly in love with the groom to be) and it’s around here he gets hit by the cold hard reality of what he’s doing and comes back down to earth.
The wedding happens – it’s here, after much talk about stopping a wedding, our guy stays seated for the “if there is anyone here who objects to this wedding” part.
The sister misses the wedding but turns up drunkenly for the wedding reception. She is drunk, bitter, resentful.
It’s here all the plotting/scheming comes out in a fight with the sister. The guy and black sheep sister get kicked out he wedding and fight and then go their separate ways.
Weeks later, the guy realises he was actually in love with the black sheep sister and actively plots to win her back – only to discover she too, is now getting married, to the rich jerk (who kept making advances towards her) at the wedding.
(However – this connects to the beginning, as we learn the wedding is a manufactured one. She’s marrying for money/publicity/to regain the fame she lost. The rich jerk just needs a beard.
Hollywood as the land of make-believe and illusion is all set up at the start.)
In this synthesis – the guy teams with the bride (who yeah, he mends things with) to stop the sister from making a huge mistake. And yeah – he pretty much has a huge mess to clean up anyways.
And maybe the guy does, too, but don?t the bonds of family mean she has a deeper emotional and personal investment ? stakes ? in the outcome? She?s embroiled emotionally in a family fight.
You got me there. But as far as I know, Aristotle’s “tragic deed” – the most horrible terrible thing (which should be kept in the family) can still happen to a family relation or someone like family, as Jack is to Rose in Titanic.
I do totally understand where you’re coming from though – regarding your 2.5 cents. Right now – it’s not the story I have on me. (Not that I’m totally locked into it.)
Again – I either need to send this one out and get beaten up (and see what so-and-so thinks of the script in its unity) and then rework the logline or I need to get a lot of distance to see where I’ve made a huge cock-up.
Again – thank you for your time (and use of Aristotle).
P.S. – Currently reading David Mamet’s “Three Uses of the Knife” and it is dense.
So what’s your advice here?
Go in with the original logline or the black sheep one?
TBH – I think I’m at the point where I need to send it to my manager or to get coverage or whatever (and basically get my hand slapped and see what I’ve done wrong) and then tweak the logline. And then, most likely – rewrite the script.
I suppose that’s the nature of the beast… it’s never really over.
thedarkhorse:
By all means, take advantage of every resource at your disposal for feedback and brainstorming.? In particular, I suggest seeking out feedback from women, who, after all, are 1/2 the viewing population and can make or break a romance genre movie at the box-office.