When her daughter is taken by nanobot creatures, an irresponsible scientist mother must venture beyond the city's walls and find the creature's lair to get her back.

    Nanobeasts

    Logliner Posted on July 28, 2013 in Public.
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    9 Review(s)

    I like the imagery here. I think you should have a closer look at the set up though. Is the mothers fault her daughter had been kidnapped? Is there something she has to overcome to rescue her? Is there an adjective for the nanobots to make them more interesting?

    Default Answered on July 28, 2013.
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      Thanks for the feedback! I didn’t communicate anything about the deadly nature of the nanobot creatures. Will work on this one.

      Logliner Answered on July 28, 2013.
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        Nano means one billion and is used for extremely small units of measurement: a nanosecond = 1/1,000,000,000 of a second. So how are nanobots, by definition extremely small objects, capable of “kidnapping” a person?

        Singularity Answered on July 28, 2013.
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          Fantastic comment dpg, thanks for drawing attention to another weakness in my logline.

          Logliner Answered on July 28, 2013.
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            Hi Andrewclau. I think the relationship with the daughter and mother should be highlighted a little more. They could be estranged and the mother has to learn more about her daughter to track her down. Or, the mother and daughter could work together to stop the robots, which forces them to confront their past and why they’re estranged.

            Default Answered on July 28, 2013.
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              Come to think about it, it might work as an updated version of Gulliver’s travels where the nanobots are modern-day Lilliputians.

              Singularity Answered on July 29, 2013.
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                I think of nanobots as little computer chips you put into your body to enhance it. for-instance they would heal you or give you extra strength. Millions of them in your bloodstream.

                Maybe a story about nanobots possessing a person like a techno Demon.

                “After her daughter is infused with nanobots against her will, a desperate mother must stop the micro robots that have infiltrated her child’s bloodstream and possess her conscience.”

                Singularity Answered on July 29, 2013.
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                Good points from both dpg and RIchiev there–

                If they are nano-sized they would not be visible to the naked eye — I’d envision the girl floating away when they take her — it would be hard to pull off without it looking hilarious…

                I like Richiev’s idea — reminds me of a Twilight Zone ep (might have been ‘The Darkside’) where a scientist who’s suffering from cancer injects these nano-bots into himself — and they not only cure his cancer, but give him super human strength, gills to breathe under water, and eventually turn him into this monstrous freak.

                And is it set in the future or present? There’s something about “…beyond the city’s walls…’ that suggests the former…?

                Anyway, I think this has potential, depending on which road you take (If it’s not yet written…)

                Best of luck.

                Default Answered on July 29, 2013.
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                  Hi dpg, Richiev and Tony, I think you guys are hitting the issues in my logline right on the spot. Indeed the nanobots are microscopic robots that are injected into the body. The idea of demon possession has crossed my mind – and I think that could work reasonably well.

                  Just to give you guys an idea of what I’m thinking:

                  In the future humans inject animals with nanobots as an experiment – the military (yeah cliche I know – I can do better) are looking to see if they can make soldiers invincible. What happens is the animals escape into the wild and just as in Jurassic Park, nature finds its way. The animals breed with other animals and suddenly we have a worldwide infestation of invincible nanobot driven monsters – they’re smart, deadly, evil and virtually indestructible!

                  So humans build walls around their cities to survive. The mother is the scientist trying to get to the bottom of the “nanobeast” problem. She’s the one who let the experiment out of the cage to see if it would work (irresponsible and overzealous) And as stated, the daughter goes out beyond the wall one day to be taken by one of these beasts as they have a special plan for her (again mother not being responsible for daughter). So mommy needs to go back out and get her daughter back.

                  I haven’t written a word of this yet – just seemed like a fun idea, part apocalypse movie, part alien monster horror movie. I would say I didn’t communicate anything about the “nanobeasts” in my logline so that’s where the logline failed.

                  Logliner Answered on July 29, 2013.
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