When her estranged country singing father witnesses a murder, the teenage ballet dancer must save him from getting killed.

    Logliner Posted on September 19, 2018 in Action.
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    3 Review(s)

      I feel like the inciting incident should happen to the protagonist. I want to know why he can’t save himself and this therefore becomes the responsibility of his daughter. Could it be the daughter who witnesses a murder at the hands of someone her father knows. He then tries to protect her by turning his back on his life and road tripping with her to safety.

      Why is she a ballet dancer? How does this come into play. With characteristics and descriptions, it’s best to use things that give the reader clues as to how that character will grow (their arc) over the course of the film or how they’ll deal with conflict. If it’s not relevant to the plot maybe consider taking it out of the logline. For example if you did a logline for Jaws you could say “local sheriff” or similar as it not only gives us the “why him” answer (because he’s the sheriff, it’s his job to protect the town), it also tells us a little about his character (he’s a leader, he’s a good guy, he’s a protector). Same goes for the country singing father – is he a drunk? is he abusive? is he kind? is he just unlucky? For the record, I really like the idea that he’s a country singer and she’s a ballet dancer – it does tell us something about them but I wonder if we get enough to understand how it might affect the character’s choices.

      I’m kinda seeing this as more of a thriller rather than an action film.

      I hope this all makes sense and helps in some way.

      Summitry Answered on September 19, 2018.
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        This sounds interesting but I’m just not sure how a teenage ballet dancer can save a grown man from a killer. Does she have any special skills? Could she be perhaps a martial artist instead of ballet dancer?

        Singularity Answered on September 19, 2018.

        I had the same thought!

        on September 19, 2018.
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          The goal is much stronger in this version of the logline.
          Maybe you could re-incorporates some of the elements of your last logline into this version.
          The part where the girl must reluctantly go on the road with her father.

          Singularity Answered on September 19, 2018.
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