–When her husband tragically dies, a depressed young widow honors his last wish to pass along his sacred heirloom to their firstborn son; otherwise, a generation of blessings will turn to generations of curses. But after a ruthless adversary steals the heirloom, the widow struggles to retrieve it before an evil curse is brought upon her son.
So she passes the heirloom to the 1st born.
End of story. There’s nothing to worry about, right?
Or is there something to worry about? What’s the dramatic problem? What prevents her from doing so? And what specifically is at stake — what is the nature of the curses (and the blessings)?
Did you update the logline? I’m wondering if a sentence was tagged on after dpg’s questions? My suggestions are:
- Delete “when her husband tragically dies” – You don’t need this as you have a depressed young widow which already tells us that info.
- It looks like your inciting incident could be the theft of the heirloom? That seems to trigger your widow’s story, otherwise as dpg said, she could just hand the heirloom over.
- Why would someone steal the heirloom? Does it bestow blessings on whoever holds it? In which case, they must be amazing to make up for the risk of being cursed!
- Telling us the nature of the blessings and curses would help – otherwise they could be anything from having good teeth/fame/fabulous wealth, to acne/knock knees/death.
- I would strip your logline down to: A depressed young widow must retrieve a family heirloom before a generation of curses is bestowed on her firstborn son. Then start swapping out words and adding in elements to answer these types of questions.
Have you seen Ready or Not? https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7798634/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 It sounds like a similar premise – every person that marries into the family must play a game on their wedding night. Chances are they randomly select a game of having to survive until dawn. If they do, the blessings (wealth) the family has enjoyed will be stripped from them and they will all die in the newbie’s place.
Hey Melissa! I feel like your logline is basically this:
a ruthless adversary steals the heirloom, the widow struggles to retrieve it before an evil curse is brought upon her son.
With a bit of tidy-up. Like:
When a ruthless demon/warlock/lawyer/rival steals a heirloom, a widow must struggle to retrieve it before an evil curse claims her son’s life.
Drama, horror, or supernatural? Whichever! I’d watch it. 🙂