When her mother dies under mysterious circumstances, a resourceful young school teacher must step into her mother’s job at the secluded Winston School for Children and try to uncover the reason behind her mother’s death.

nickolase77 Penpusher Asked on May 19, 2017 in Horror.
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2 Review(s)

It would be best to orientate the plot so as to make the MC take action for the sake of the future, not the past. In other words, instead of having her wanting to uncover the reason behind her mother’s death make her want to stop the killer or reason from happening again.

Also, best to redefine the inciting incident as a killing this will immediately spur the MC into action.

Lastly, “…mysterious circumstances…” mean very little in a logline, it’s the details of said circumstances that count. What is it that happens?

Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on May 19, 2017.
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Great advice Nir. The usage of the word “Mother” 3 times in a single sentence could be avoided too.

After her mother’s mysterious death, a daughter takes a job in a secluded school for children hoping to solve the mystery behind the tragedy.

Foxtrot25 Overlord Reviewed on May 19, 2017.
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