When her reclusive father dies without a will, his washed-up rodeo queen daughter must gather her estranged siblings in order to settle his estate.
LucindaFarnsworthLogliner
When her reclusive father dies without a will, his washed-up rodeo queen daughter must gather her estranged siblings in order to settle his estate.
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Is the story about the lead character finding all her brothers and sisters? Or is it about settling the estate? Because the logline would be written differently depending on the scenario.
Why is gathering her estranged siblings together so important?
A simple idea must still be intriguing. Perhaps your plot can takes an unexpected? left turn that we are not expecting? If so, add this to your logline.
Thank you for submitting and good luck.
I think you have the germ of a good idea. ?But it needs focusing and polishing.
The fact that the father died without a will only becomes dramatically significant if the stakes are sufficient. ?That stakes would be that he was a wealthy man, or least materially better off than his kids. They are relatively poor; they not only want their share of his estate, but they desperately need it.
I suggest the logline needs to indicate that.
The legal issue is that when a person dies intestate, the estate is thrown to the wolves of the court system. ?So neither the daughter nor the rest of the family have control or the final say in the disposition of the estate. ?And if all sides lawyer up, legal costs can consume the estate.
So it’s not sufficient for the daughter to round up her siblings. She’s got to get them to agree on a plan to offer to the court. ?If she can’t, then the judge will make the final call. ?Which will satisfy nobody.
And it’s not just an issue of how to divide up the cash. ?The kids have to decide how to divide up his personal effects. Who gets what family pictures? ?Who gets what family heirlooms? ?The car. Their mother’s china. ?The gun collection. ?The collection of silver and gold coins. ?The real estate. ?(I’ve been involved in such a situation; ?the disposition of the cash?and real estate was settled in the will, but not the personal effects. ?It was a very tense walk through the house deciding who got what.)
I suggest the logline needs to clarify and focus on the conflict that arises from the stakes.
fwiw
Right off the bat, you are using adjectives that seem to be unimportant.
The father is dead, why is it important to describe his life as recluse? Daughter is a washed up rodeo queen? What does that even matter or even means? I can’t even begin to think how that skill will help her family reunite. 1-800- lawyers can get this job done.
Let me try:
After a wealthy father dies, a desperate daughter must negotiate with her siblings in order to win the bulk of the family’s estate.
You can even further amp up the stakes by mentioning exactly why she needs money and how urgent it is for her to get it before something bad happens to her,
I hope the turn around and ending to this story is her reuniting with her family and changing her heart for good somehow, because that’s what people want to walk out of the theater feeling.
Or, maybe I have the story all wrong from the start.
This sounds like an interesting setup for a drama, but the story needs to have a clear obstacle for her to overcome.
Currently, I’m not sure what the main conflict is going to be.
UPDATE:
A down-and-out former rodeo queen is set to inherit her father’s lucrative cattle farm, but must employ?her ex-con?older brother?as part of the deal.
Is this a comedy or drama? Feels like I was reading the premise to Greedy: ?http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109936/
The longline needs work but the story has potential. I like the idea of a ‘rodeo queen’ can see a funny movie involving a group of washed of rodeo drivers who need to have ‘one last rodeo’
The will could include a more specific inciting incident that brings the family together (they must win the rodeo championship to get the inheritance for example)
Hope this helps!
>>>A down-and-out former rodeo queen is set to inherit her father?s lucrative cattle farm, but must employ?her ex-con?older brother?as part of the deal.
1] ?Is that legally possible?
2] If it’s a lucrative operation and he’s an ex-con , why doesn’t he just contest the will so he can get his share rather than be cut out and reduced to a mere employee?
3] Assuming that the premise is plausible legally, it only sets up a situation for a plot. ? So what if ?he’s an ex-con? ?If he’s a reformed one, ?what’s the dramatic problem? What is the plot that follows? ?What becomes?her objective goal?
What do you really want this story to be about?
I want this story to be about sibling who don’t know each other and both share their own baggage and screw ups as a result of the relationship (or non-relationship) that they had with their father.
Their situations may be completely different, but they’re both without a family, without an anchor, they’re screwed up and in search of something to hold onto. This situation is what brings them together.
…and he is the antagonist. There’s not a puddle he can’t step in, he can’t live life straight. He wants to belong but he’s just not wired that way.
Why not just have both of them inherit the ranch? ?(IOW: there is a will.) ?And they’re an “Odd Couple”, they never got along a siblings? ?And misfits who are life failures?
Now they must figure out a way to work together as business partners. Because the dramatic problem is not that their father’s ranch has been left intestate. ?Rather the dramatic problem is that the father bequeathed them a failing operation, saddled with debt. ?So they can just cash out and sell the operation, take the money and run. They have until October 31, the end of the crop and cattle season, to turn it around or else the bank will foreclose.
The stakes are that it’s the last chance for both of them to turn around their failed lives.
fwiw
I like it. What about this:
When a former rodeo queen and her ex-con?brother inherit their father’s struggling farm, they have one?chance to make it a success, ?and one to?turn around their failed lives.
Maybe this one drills down a bit more:
It’s still not clear what specifically they need to do. What is their goal and what will their main action be?
“…they have one shot of avoiding foreclosure,” – what does this mean in practical terms?
Also, “…changing their dubious reputations…” is vague and seems redundant to the plot – you can simply cut it.