Penpusher
Posted: 2022-06-22T20:16:30+10:00 In:

When his family is ripped apart by a sociopathic outlaw, a resented young man must face his past to save their lives

When his family is ripped apart by a sociopathic outlaw, a resented young man must face his past to save their lives
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    2 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Logline Revised:

      When his family is ripped apart by a sociopathic outlaw, a resented young man must out run the darkness to save his family’s lives.

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    2. Singularity

      His family ripped apart by a sociopathic outlaw is external.
      Facing his past is internal.

      You should give us the external action the lead character must take to defeat the sociopathic outlaw in the logline. (While keeping the internal growth of the lead character in the story but not in the logline)

      All that being said, the logline has a gripping beginning; ‘ripped apart’ is very descriptive, same with the term ‘sociopathic outlaw,’ definitely keep everything up to the first coma.

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