When his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life.
MenandroPenpusher
When his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life.
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Karel Segers
The logline sounds odd, which probably means that English is not your native language. I’m in the same boat, but you need to do better than this.
First of all: no past tense in a logline. So no “died”; instead: “When his father and brother die…”.
– “the work in mines” doesn’t sound like proper English.
– “to survive life”? Nobody survives life! 😉 You probably mean: to make a living, or to make ends meet.
All that said, I’m not sure I want to watch a movie about someone working in a mine, whatever is being mined. What do you have that is worthy for the big screen??
Mike Pedley
I agree with the other comments.
The word “young” in a logline really frustrates me. It’s so vague. You say “young boy” and I’m thinking 4 years old… is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it’s always worth a little specificity.
Ambiguity is where loglines go to die.
Stephanie
Why is the boy mischievous and what will or won’t happen to him if he doesn’t solve the problem. Why is he taking over the mine ? You haven’t explained any of this nor the stakes that raise his risk either way.