MenandroPenpusher Asked: June 30, 20202020-06-30T00:07:28+10:00 2020-06-30T00:07:28+10:00In: DramaWhen his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life. When his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life. ShareFacebook3 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentStephanie 0 Loglines 11 Reviews 0 Best Reviews 26 Points View Profile Stephanie Penpusher 2020-06-30T11:37:29+10:00Added an answer on June 30, 2020 at 11:37 am Why is the boy mischievous and what will or wonâ€™t happen to him if he doesnâ€™t solve the problem. Why is he taking over the mine ? You havenâ€™t explained any of this nor the stakes that raise his risk either way.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppKarel Segers 8 Loglines 72 Reviews 11 Best Reviews 2,616 Points View Profile Karel Segers Samurai 2020-06-30T16:40:49+10:00Added an answer on June 30, 2020 at 4:40 pm The logline sounds odd, which probably means that English is not your native language. I’m in the same boat, but you need to do better than this. First of all: no past tense in a logline. So no “died”; instead: “When his father and brother die…”. – “the work in mines” doesn’t sound like proper English. – “to survive life”? Nobody survives life! 😉 You probably mean: to make a living, or to make ends meet. All that said, I’m not sure I want to watch a movie about someone working in a mine, whatever is being mined. What do you have that is worthy for the big screen??1 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppMike Pedley United Kingdom (UK) 70 Loglines 695 Reviews 101 Best Reviews 51,213 Points View Profile Mike Pedley Singularity 2020-06-30T19:38:09+10:00Added an answer on June 30, 2020 at 7:38 pm I agree with the other comments.The word “young” in a logline really frustrates me. It’s so vague. You say “young boy” and I’m thinking 4 years old… is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it’s always worth a little specificity.Ambiguity is where loglines go to die.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?