When his old friend from WWI kills himself, a good-hearted rancher sets off on a harrowing odyssey across Great Depression-era America to personally deliver a letter to the man’s long lost love.

    Mentor Posted on January 12, 2020 in Drama.
    Add Comment
    4 Review(s)

      Longer/different versions:

      When his old friend from WWI kills himself, a good-hearted rancher sets off on a harrowing odyssey across Great Depression-era America to personally deliver a letter to the man’s long lost love – and along the way, he reconnect with three war friends, each still struggling to reintegrate with society.

      A good-hearted rancher sets off on a harrowing odyssey across Great Depression-era America to personally deliver a letter to a deceased war friend’s long lost love, and along the way – reconnects with three war friends, each still struggling to reintegrate with society.

      Notes:

      It doesn’t feel like I have room for the “three war friends” party in the logline I’m headlining with. The letter is his goal. Great Depression-era America (with it’s thieves, bootleggers, etc.) provides some conflict – but I’m unsure if it’s enough.

      The Inciting Incident – I’m not sure about. It’s either recieving the letter from his deceased WW1 friend – which asks him to “look after our friends” as well as to deliver it the letter to his long-lost love. (who may or may not be at the destination – another potential conflict. He’s doing this thing on pure hope and faith she’s still there and alive.)

      Another incident, has our rancher hero kicked off his land by the bank. He’s essentially homeless and working his way up to California anyways. (The ending has our hero deliver the letter and finally heading to California down a lone, sunny road. He finally “moves on”.)

      Our hero taking a detour – to deliver the letter and to see his old war friends is our PP1. He’s at a crossroads – he can either go with the kind-natured family he’s met along the way or take the long, scary road by himself ha.

      Mentor Answered on January 12, 2020.
      Add Comment

        Also – with the original logline – I wasn’t sure whether to mention it’s a promise he’s made to his deceased friend to deliver the letter. I’m hoping that’s innate and suggested. Best to see if that translates.

        Mentor Answered on January 12, 2020.
        Add Comment

          Sounds like a great premise – something I’d definitely watch.  As I read through it, I instantly got really strong images of scenes and conflict!

          My thoughts were:

          • 11 years is a fair gap between WW1 and the US great depression.  Has be been in contact with his mate since then, or has the letter delivery been requested in the suicide note?  I read your last comment later, but I’m still unsure why he’d promise him he would deliver a letter rather than try to convince him not to kill himself.
          • Could you remove “WW1” from the longline completely and bring it in as part of the backstory?
          • I’m not sure about the homeless element.  Him ‘going that way anyway’ doesn’t seem very proactive whereas him leaving voluntarily (maybe choosing the mission over his efforts to scrimp a living off the land) seems more likely to convey the strength of their friendship.
          • Is the long lost love actually lost to his mate?  How would he find her?… or is she more that one that got away?
          • Maybe the time with his old mates helps him make a choice between going back to his ranch and scraping a living or moving on to a new life in Cali and not having any regrets like his dead pal?
          Logliner Answered on January 12, 2020.
          Add Comment

            P.S. In my mind, the II is the suicide – that kicks everything off and happens off screen.  However you could argue that the letter is the catalyst that he has to decide whether to act upon?

            Logliner Answered on January 12, 2020.
            Add Comment

            Your Review

            By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.