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HannahPenpusher
Posted: September 7, 20212021-09-07T00:36:42+10:00 2021-09-07T00:36:42+10:00In: Examples

When his son is kidnapped, an overprotective father must go on a long and tough journey to find his son.

When his son is kidnapped, an overprotective father must go on a long and tough journey to find his son.
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    1. NeedyGoldfish Penpusher
      2021-09-07T01:08:15+10:00Added an answer on September 7, 2021 at 1:08 am

      This works – character, event and action are all in place! However, it would be nice to get something about why this journey is meaningful for the father – “must face his fears” or something along those lines. Also, the repetition of the word ‘son’ makes the read a tiny bit clunkier – try changing it to ‘him’ or ‘child’ the second time.

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    2. storydude Penpusher
      2022-06-20T09:52:03+10:00Added an answer on June 20, 2022 at 9:52 am

      They’re clownfish!

      This needs to be clear from the logline.

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