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Mike PedleySingularity
When his son is taken by a monster into another dimension, a withdrawn divorcee must venture through the portal to bring him back.
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I like the idea of a withdrawn man venturing into the unknown to save is son, but why would a “monster” kidnap a little boy? Why doesn’t the monster just eat the boy? On the other hand, if you say the boy was kidnapped by an “alien”, then we might imagine the boy has to be saved before the alien’s perform nefarious experiments on the poor lad. Also, if the boy is taken by monsters, the man must be a warrior type to succeed, if the boy is taken by aliens, the father can be an office worker who succeeds by being clever. It depends upon how you want to develop the story.
As yqwertz asked.? Why of all the 7 billion people in the world,? does the monster seize that boy?
And what is the implicit congruent character flaw of the mother in the face of the crisis? The congruent character flaw in “Nemo” is that the father has become risk aversive as a result of the trauma of losing the rest of his family.? The egg that hatched Nemo was the only one to survive the attack.? Which intensified the father’s emotional investment in his son’s welfare (and by proxy, the emotional investment of the audience). And to rescue Nemo, the father must? do the very thing he doesn’t want to do–take risks, bigger and bigger risks. That heightened emotional investment explains why he was able to overcome his fears and take those risks.
A lot of the important details are in your logline, inciting incident, lead character, and goal.
My question would be, how quickly does the lead character go into the portal, is it on page ten of the script (I have no idea if this is written yet) or is the lead entering the portal the midpoint turn?
I only ask, because if the lead enters the other dimension early enough in the story, you might want to add a brief, (One or two words) description of what the world is like on the other side, Is it a dark fairytale world? Is it like Hell? Is it a world created out of old sneakers? Adding this quick detail mighty infuse a little spice to your logline.
To extend the Finding Nemo ?concept. Marlin was desperate to protect his only remaining child. I kept Nemo virtually caged to keep him safe. But this didn?t help, he was still taken.
You also have a meaningless detail. He is a divorced. We don?t need that. ?We don?t get Amy free information from that.
?A man enters an alternate dimension to rescue his son from a monster that… but…. forcing him to ….?
Hope that helps.
Ever see House (1985) starring William Katt?? Because this idea is very similar.