Mike PedleySingularity Posted: October 7, 20192019-10-07T18:00:52+10:00 2019-10-07T18:00:52+10:00In: DramaWhen his wife leaves him and his world falls apart, a depressed control-freak attempts to tie up all the loose ends in his life and with those he cares about as he plans his own suicide– ShareFacebook5 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentScott Danzig 20 Loglines 89 Reviews 6 Best Reviews 2,039 Points View Profile Scott Danzig Samurai 2019-10-07T23:18:00+10:00Added an answer on October 7, 2019 at 11:18 pm You have an inciting incident, sure, but… it just seems like something very sad that happens that we’ll be asked to witness.? Might be kind of interesting, but likely slow, emotional, and painful with no conflict.? I’m sure there’s internal conflict, but I’m not sure that’s enough to keep the audience engaged.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppyqwertz 2 Loglines 108 Reviews 31 Best Reviews 5,069 Points View Profile yqwertz Mentor 2019-10-08T00:46:39+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 12:46 am I think the comedy part of the dramedy is not evident in the revised version of your logline.? Also “…his world falls apart…” is a bit vague. Can you give us something more?Don’t know exactly what you have in mind, but maybe this gives you food for thought:When his wife leaves him for his best friend and his boss fires him, a depressed control freak decides on suicide, but first he must find a good home for his dog.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppRichiev 62 Loglines 3,403 Reviews 303 Best Reviews 81,554 Points View Profile Richiev Singularity 2019-10-08T04:51:04+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 4:51 am Possible Title: It’s a miserable life0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppNeer Shelter 23 Loglines 2,805 Reviews 258 Best Reviews 55,445 Points View Profile Nir Shelter Singularity 2019-10-08T16:30:20+10:00Added an answer on October 8, 2019 at 4:30 pm Agreed with much of the above. I’ll add that planning on doing something isn’t doing it… In other words, the best characters don’t just plan on doing something, they take action. What does he do aside from tieing things up and planing his suicide?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppdpg 105 Loglines 5,521 Reviews 557 Best Reviews 112,082 Points View Profile dpg Singularity 2019-10-10T03:17:05+10:00Added an answer on October 10, 2019 at 3:17 am Frankly, I have mixed and messy emotions about the premise.? (I’ve worked on a suicide hotline.)That said,? more power to you if you can play it for laughs.? However, I think a reader needs a clear signal that it’s a dark comedy.?? I suggest “his world falls apart” needs to be fleshed out a bit.? Maybe something like:? “When a control freak loses his wife, job, and home and his pet potbelly pig in one week, he…”Or maybe he loses everything but his pet potbelly pig (that could have been the coup de gras wedge issue between him and his ex) and his objective goal is to find a good for the pet it before he commits suicide.? (And, of course, nobody want the pet.)Whatever. Good luck.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?