After her retired client dies, a social worker risks her life when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care. (latest update)

    Samurai Posted on November 11, 2017 in Thriller.
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    5 Review(s)

      This isn’t a bad set-up. However you should tell us what the goal of the character is, what they must do about this discovery.

      Singularity Answered on November 11, 2017.

      Thanx mate. Generally, she wants to find out who is abusing those seniors and as she cares about them, she wants to expose them and stop them and it can only be her as police and some other social services seems to be looking the other way for some extra cash from the perpetrators. Also she gets involved as the senior dies under suspicious circumstances, hence she will try to find out what is missing in the picture. And finds this big fraud where pensioner signed a contract with fake social agency where they will provide senior with care inside his own home for “free” but this old person will give them his house after he dies. Then senior dies “not naturally” and sooner before he or she was due.

      on November 11, 2017.
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        Maybe this makes more sense?

        After one of her retired clients suspiciously dies, a social worker puts her life at risk when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care.

        Thats 36 words. Let’s see if I can short it somehow 😀

        Samurai Answered on November 11, 2017.
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          Your second attempt is more clear about what is going on, and with less words.

          Singularity Answered on November 11, 2017.
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            This is the original logline that I am posting here for a reference.

            When one of her retired client dies, a social worker uncovers a secret world of horrifying aged care business involving fake real estate contracts, abuse and murder. (original logline)

            Samurai Answered on November 11, 2017.
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              What is the motivation for her to investigate the death? What was so suspicious about the death? However, if the old guy or gal would have disappeared, then the circumstances could be seen as suspicious. Otherwise, sad as it may be, seniors die at a higher rate than members of younger demographics.

              Singularity Answered on November 12, 2017.
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