etatsecondLogliner Posted: May 23, 20182018-05-23T11:07:52+10:00 2018-05-23T11:07:52+10:00In: FantasyWhen people die when they touch the doctor he must defeat death, who chose him as his successor, to return to normality. When people die when they touch the doctor he must defeat death, who chose him as his successor, to return to normality. ShareFacebook4 ReviewsVotedOldestRecentNeer Shelter 23 Loglines 2,805 Reviews 258 Best Reviews 55,445 Points View Profile Nir Shelter Singularity 2018-05-23T13:13:20+10:00Added an answer on May 23, 2018 at 1:13 pm The second version works better, but still lacks detail.What does defeat mean in this context? Defeat at what? Bill and Ted defeated Death in a game of Twister…How will your character achieve his goal?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppdpg 105 Loglines 5,521 Reviews 557 Best Reviews 112,082 Points View Profile dpg Singularity 2018-05-24T04:31:48+10:00Added an answer on May 24, 2018 at 4:31 am First of all, the logline is confusing to me.? I’m not sure what the story is about.Second, premises for stories in the fantasy genre, in particular, require a suspension of disbelief.? The premise for this story asks me to suspend disbelief, don’t question,? just accept the notion that the grim reaper passes the scythe to someone else.? And a doctor, no less.I, for one, am unable to do so.? I want to know why grim reaper must choose another successor.? And I want to know why of all the billions of people he could have chosen, does he choose that particular doctor.In drama, the protagonist getting chosen is never coincidental.? On a subjective level, in terms of the protagonist’s character arc it can’t be a purely random, capricious act.? It must expose a character flaw that must be overcome to achieve his objective goal.? Being chosen not only incites a quest for an objective goal, it also incites a character arc, a struggle to overcome a flaw, a weakness, a vulnerability.What is the doctor’s character flaw that must be overcome if he is to throw off the curse of his new “calling”?0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppCraigDGriffiths firstname.lastname@example.org 71 Loglines 967 Reviews 104 Best Reviews 20,403 Points View Profile CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter 2018-05-24T07:40:19+10:00Added an answer on May 24, 2018 at 7:40 am after being chosen as the successor to the angel of death a doctor must defeat the angel in combat to return to saving life, not taking life.Must defeat is as vague as ?face his past?. Details is your friend.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppRheaSolaris 9 Loglines 9 Reviews 8 Best Reviews 296 Points View Profile RheaSolaris Logliner 2018-05-24T19:52:31+10:00Added an answer on May 24, 2018 at 7:52 pm Is he (the doctor) like a something to resemble ‘philosopher’s stone’? You could’ve included the harm turning someone to gold does, doesn’t it mean anyhow they’re gonna die? Being invisible isn’t as much the same as being a piece of an object – Gold sounds furious, or may be the person is, who turned into a gold object – or else, doesn’t death happen anyhow? – isn’t it normal to die, anyhow people die, and magic like that of philosopher’s stone and that old story I know – of Midas – does your story resemble the story of Midas – if I were writing one such story based on the logline, I’d include these two as one person – Midas and ‘Philosopher’s Stone’.Or else, try thinking the ‘other possibility’. Of what I said earlier here. If people die by touch of the doctor, if I were him I’d search for this – where does the power come from? And seeing that he’s genuinely a doctor who’d want to save lives instead of killing – it’s pointless to think otherwise, or else, think of the first possibility. Reasons – why’d he kill, or not kill, when someone is given powers, there comes either responsibility with it, or it goes unnoticed, anyhow, people die. Gold sounds to be more attractive, than a dead body.Just a couple of suggestions I gave here – if I were writing a story with this logline.0 Share ShareShare on FacebookShare on TwitterShare on LinkedInShare on WhatsAppYou must login to add an answer. Username or email* Password* Remember Me! Forgot Password?