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RockFightFilmsPenpusher
When Private Investigator Kris Kringle wakes with amnesia, he must use five clues found on his person to retrace his steps, remember his past and save a missing child.
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The missing child bit feels a bit tacked on. Surely that’s a pretty important detail and ultimately his end goal? This logline could possibly benefit from an MPR.
Usually names are discouraged, however, if this is supposed to be a Xmas movie, then it makes sense. If it is a Christmas movie though, I would consider adding a deadline of Christmas Day or something. Just to hammer it home that this is a Christmas movie. Assuming it is obviously.
If it’s not a Christmas movie… why is he called Kris Kringle?
Never use a characters name in a logline, give a description of who he is rather instead, and describe the characteristics that assembles him starting out as a weak character, and ending with a change of heart that possibly makes him stronger.
And is the person a antagonist bit confused or is it himself? he fighting to piece together the clues to save this child…and what is this child too him? his kid, a runaway kid, or street kid? ?kind of vague there he should be a bit more descriptive that make us care bout this kid being found.
Here is the Irony:
By calling the lead character Kris Kringle, you take away the dramatic tension. Everyone who reads it is going to know, He’s Santa.
But if you take away the name Kris Kringle, you get rid of the hook.