When sinister agents abduct him and his mother, an exceptionally gifted but socially isolated Indian teen discovers that he was genetically engineered for a dark purpose and must choose to either embrace that purpose or fight back on behalf of humanity.

    Penpusher Posted on November 8, 2019 in SciFi.
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    3 Review(s)

      1: What purpose? Since this seems to be what sets up the entire story, you should tell us what his dark purpose is supposed to be.

      2: It seems like the goal should be to escape or to defeat the sinister agents. After all they did abduct him and his mother. So the logical idea would be to escape, not to choose whether to embrace his dark fate.

      Singularity Answered on November 8, 2019.
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        As Richiev said.   The plot pivots on the purpose he was genetically engineered for.  Which has me almost hooked on the premise.  Almost, but not quite.  Why?  Because I don’t what the evil purpose is.  The story hook needs to be fully baited with the specific nature of the destiny for which he was engineered.  What exactly must he fight against?

        Also a plot is not about a character having to choose between “X” or “Y”.  It’s about the action the follows from choosing either “X” or “Y”.   I’m guessing this is not a story a about an anti-hero who fulfills his genetically determined evil fate.  So it’s a no-suspense, no-brainer that he’s going to fight on behalf of humanity.  Well,  how?  What becomes his objective goal?

        Singularity Answered on November 8, 2019.
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          If you had to carve this down, it would be…

          When his mother is abducted by sinister agents, a teenage loner must fight back on behalf of humanity.

          – So we’re missing some stakes/what happens if he doesn’t fight back.

          Those guys above are right. I think you need to write down a few pages on your thing, what it’s about, what will or could happen. It will give you a better understanding of what’s going on.

          After that the logline will be a lot more precise and specific. You’ll be able to carve it down – and then it will look really fucking good.

          Good luck.

          Mentor Answered on November 8, 2019.
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