When the boy she meets turns out to be a werewolf like her, a sheltered girl begins a forbidden relationship with that helps express their beastly forms but runs the risk of being discovered by the paranoid hicks of her small town.

    The_CNI Logliner Asked on June 10, 2018 in Fantasy.
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    6 Review(s)

      Hello The_CNI!
      You can drop “…with that helps express their beastly forms”. It would work great in your script, but unnecessary in the logline

      Apart from that, It would benefit from raising the stakes; Editing with the information that the werewolves are endangered (and feared/hated) in this world works great with the use of keywords “forbidden relationship” & “paranoid hicks” so working in that direction seems only fitting

      My only suggestion is to specify what becomes her GOAL as a result of what awaits them (since your Inciting incident doesn’t yet introduce an urgency, only hints at the conflict…)

      Good Luck!!

      variable Overlord Reviewed on June 10, 2018.

      & I do like the premise very much. Primal dramatic needs…

      on June 10, 2018.
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        You should put a face to the antagonist; since you say their love is forbidden, you should tell us who is doing the forbidding. A specific bad guy they must overcome or win over.

        Richiev Singularity Reviewed on June 10, 2018.

        “When the boy she meets turns out to be a werewolf like her, a sheltered girl begins a forbidden relationship which attracts the unwanted attention of her controlling father and the paranoid hicks of her small town.”

        Her father fears that the beastly form could endanger the lives of others and will definitely attract hostility from others, so not wanting to lose her he tries to encourage her to live a lonely life where he is the only man in it.

        on June 10, 2018.
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          You stated this as fantasy, but this is a love story. If humans are social animals, you just squared them and multiplied it with beasts. What is unique?

          Fantasy must allow your audience to experience a whole new world. Twilight was not fantasy.

          What I see from your logline is that there are two werewolves who meet and decide to have a relationship. As this is forbidden, they need to run and hide from their community and in the end they will die.

          I do not mean to let your ambitions down. You may have a better and different story but this logline naturally attracts criticism.😅

          Nettle Samurai Reviewed on June 10, 2018.

          Your logline about nerdy and and his robot is way better!

          on June 10, 2018.

          *nerdy ant

          on June 10, 2018.
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            Agreed with Richiev.

            Good love stories have strong forces keeping the lovers apart, so what makes their forbidden?

            Nir Shelter Singularity Reviewed on June 10, 2018.
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