When the local mining company brings in external workers, the town of Hope apathetically slides towards its death. Slut-shamed 17-year-old schoolgirl, Tim, challenges the locals, the politicians, and the mining billionaires into establishing a renewable energy business, in a frantic effort to save the town – and herself.

    Penpusher Posted on August 19, 2019 in Drama.
    Add Comment
    3 Review(s)

      This version of your logline raises more questions than it answers.

      Why does the mining company need external workers, are the locals on strike? (I doubt miners would sit idly by while strike breakers take their jobs.)

      Why is the town dying? Where there are billionaires, there are jobs. Billionaires love to build monuments to themselves. Houses, museums, theaters.

      Establishing a new business is not a frantic effort. It takes planning, lots of planning. Years go by.

       

      Try to give your heroin a manageable, concrete problem to solve and connect the way she solves it to her character flaw.

      Also, loglines work best without proper names cluttering them up. So drop “Tim” and unless “Hope” is a real town, you can drop it as well.

      Mentor Answered on August 19, 2019.
      Add Comment

        Agree with yqwertz on all points.  How can the town be dying if the company is bringing in new workers?

        The core of the premise seems to be that she wants to replace an extractive industry with a renewable one.  Seems to be.  I’m not certain what the story is really about.

        Singularity Answered on August 20, 2019.
        Add Comment

          Thank you again. You are both quite right. I will go back to the original premise and look at more of your examples of loglines.

           

          Penpusher Answered on August 26, 2019.
          Add Comment

          Your Review

          By posting your review, you agree to the privacy policy and terms of service.