When the ultimate betrayal comes to surface, 8 friends will become enemies and only 1 will be left standing.

    Penpusher Posted on June 23, 2018 in Crime.
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    7 Review(s)

      Since the betrayal is what sets the story in motion you should be more specific about what it is.

      Singularity Answered on June 23, 2018.
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        Some questions pop to mind –
        1. Who betrays whom?
        2. Who’s your protagonist?
        3. What was the nature of betrayal? &
        4. ..As a result of which, what becomes the protagonist’s GOAL

        PS. If you are aiming to write for multiple protagonist’s, the link below might be helpful:

        Good Luck!!

        Summitry Answered on June 23, 2018.

        After a logline is done written, the only question you can afford to leave the reader with —
        “will the hero achieve his goal?”

        Instead, if it raises such questions as who’s the hero? or achieving which specific goal represents his victory? or….why? Then it must be reframed with specifics, regardless of the word limit (ideally 25W)

        on June 23, 2018.
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          If the betrayal is a big reveal at the end of the movie, then it is true, you should not reveal it in the logline.

          However, we still need a specific event in the logline that sets the story in motion.

          Singularity Answered on June 23, 2018.
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            Hi Kathryn,

            As variable said earlier, this is a tagline for a movie, not a logline.

            As a logline it’s incredibly vague. You could describe a crime thriller in vein of Reservoir dogs or a high school comedy where 8 friends are vying for the same guy for example.

            Until we get more details, it will be difficult to help you develop the concept or improve on the logline.

            Samurai Answered on June 23, 2018.
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              “Ultimate betrayal ” is vague.  What does that mean?

              And the logline also contains a spoiler; it gives away the ending (only 1 will survive). That is something a logline should never do.

              Singularity Answered on June 23, 2018.
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                Thanks for the feedback. If I tell you what it is then it spoils the plot of the movie. I tell you enough to peak your curiosity which proves my point.

                Penpusher Answered on June 23, 2018.

                You are probably confusing “logline” with a “film teaser”…

                on June 23, 2018.

                The guy who you need to sell your script to MUST believe in it. Currently, it reads like a “format” with too many variables….which needs to be controlled for a Directed pitch.

                on June 23, 2018.

                This worked for me..
                I Hope it is helpful 🙂

                For a Logline,
                MANDATORY components —
                • the story’s first major event or ‘Inciting Incident’
                • the hero’s function or role in the story (e.g. a mother, a cop, a scientist)
                • the hero’s goal or main action in the story

                OPTIONAL (unnecessary if these are implied in the Inciting Incident)
                • the hero’s weakness/flaw (e.g. headstrong, timid, solitary, cocky, depressed)
                • the obstacle(s) and/or the Antagonist
                • the stakes

                In its simplest formula:
                When [a major event happens], [the hero], must [do the main action]

                Cheers!

                on June 23, 2018.
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                  8 friends will become enemies with the betrayer or each other? It’s just mush.

                  Samurai Answered on June 28, 2018.
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