Whilst working as a PA for the Mayor, a part-time poet is charged to facilitate an affair between his boss and a much younger woman. The PA and his lover, his boss’ wife, decide to spin the situation to their own advantage.

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    Penpusher Posted on January 29, 2015 in Public.
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    3 Review(s)

      There are a few things, “own advantage” is vague, need to know the goal. Was the goal existing prior to the opportunity? “The PA and his lover”, the lover wasn’t part of the set up so putting them in the payoff part of the logline is confusing. Leave the lover out as they are not the protagonist or impact on the protagonist. I can see what you are heading towards, but being specific will be your friend.

      Singularity Answered on January 30, 2015.
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      It’s a little hard to root a devious MC. Is his goal to “to facilitate the Mayor’s affair” or to use Mayor’s affair to his own advantage? What is “their own advantage” and why do we care? In what way would a poet be the type of person who has the longest way to go in this struggle?

      My advice would be to tighten it up a little. As Blake Snyder would say, you’re “hiding the ball”, being vague and fearful of showing the big reveal.

      Default Answered on January 31, 2015.
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        How about a different perspective just to try it out?

        “When she discovers her husband, a powerful mayor, is having an affair; a scorned wife enlists the aide of his unscrupulous personal assistant in a black mail scheme to make him pay.”

        Singularity Answered on February 3, 2015.
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