Logliner
Posted: 2017-10-10T13:36:18+10:00 In:

With society stuck in the past, a transgender girl struggles to cope with the reinstated bathroom ban.

With society stuck in the past, a transgender girl struggles to cope with the reinstated bathroom ban.
Share

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    6 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Laughingfire,

      You need to familiarize yourself with the rules of this page and the story structure of the logline found here:

      https://loglines.org/howto/

      Good luck.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Foxtrot25.

      On a side note, this logline lacks a plot and comes across as an attempt to jump on an agenda band wagon, and most gate-keepers would see right through it. You would do more justice to LGBT issues if you were to structure a plot and tell a compelling story.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      In addition, one of the guiding principles of this site is to help others. Therefore, we ask you provide constructive criticism to at least two other loglines for every one of your own. Seeing as that has been ignored up until now, any further posts of new loglines will be deleted unless you critique the required amount.

      Sharing is caring…

      • 0
    4. Singularity

      The concept is certainly topical.? If the agenda is? to create “awareness”, the best way to do that is through the vehicle of a well-designed plot.? Which means that “struggling to cope” needs to be fleshed out in terms of a specific objective goal in the context of the protagonist’s specific situation.? So provoked by the reinstatement of bathroom ban, what becomes the protagonist’s game plan?

      • 0
    5. Singularity

      Laughingfire:

      Who is the target audience for this short? Is it preaching to the choir, to the LGBT audience who are most inclined to identify and sympathize with the predicament portrayed?? Or do you wish to reach a broader audience; do you seek to engage the understanding and sympathy of the dominant straights?? What is your artistic objective goal in making this?

      • 0
    6. Logliner

      It’s a great concept. I think it’s got potential. Now you just need to make it entertaining. You need to add explosion to that story. Maybe instead of less controversial you could make it more controversial. Make it a comedy; Make the location a small town in Alabama. Make her black and Muslim; Add irony and risky stakes. Maybe she goes dressed to the nines and pees standing up while singing opera. Or maybe even a horror story. Or a thriller. Give her inhuman strength and make her go into men toilets and rape everyone in sight, then disappear. She could end up being an evil entity or an alien. Make the hero a baffled detective. It could appeal to both sides of the political spectrum like that. Why should we sit down and watch it?

      • 0