With the mysterious arrival of a stolen diamond, a forensic investigator goes on a quest to Siberia to uncover a decades-old international crime linked to her lost family

    Corridor One

    Penpusher Posted on September 1, 2015 in Public.
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    8 Review(s)

      Great points above. Seems like an interesting idea, keep going with it!

      Penpusher Answered on January 11, 2016.
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        Never describe a main character as ‘the heroine’ – you cant get more generic than that.

        The throughline is unclear – does the protagonist solve the crime or they do they find their long lost family?

        Penpusher Answered on September 1, 2015.
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          Thank you Change #1

          With the mysterious arrival of a stolen diamond, a forensic investigator goes on a quest to Siberia to uncover a decades-old international crime linked to her family

          Penpusher Answered on September 1, 2015.
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            There is a slight tone difference in her going or being sent. You can take advantage of that. “Quest” can police are a little disjointed. How does the arrival of the diamond connect and trigger her actions?

            This may seem a lot to achieve but it sells the story.

            Singularity Answered on September 1, 2015.
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              I still have a problem seeing a clear and credible cause and effect relationship between the arrival of the diamond and the subsequent quest to Siberia. What is there about the arrival of the stolen diamond that triggers the character to go on the quest? It’s ‘mysterious’ — how can she deduce from an object shrouded in mystery that she’s got to go to Siberia to solve an old crime?

              And what’s at stake in solving a decades old crime? What is the urgent import of a past event in the present life of the main character? Why must she solve the crime NOW — or else. Or else what?

              Singularity Answered on September 2, 2015.
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                Thank you:

                After the mysterious arrival of a stolen diamond and her brother diary, an art forgery expert discovers that her long lost family was involved in unsolved and decades-old international crime, she goes on a quest to Siberia to find the truth.

                Penpusher Answered on September 2, 2015.
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                  I get that her family is from Siberia, but maybe make that more clear?

                  Logliner Answered on September 2, 2015.
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                    The last draft of the logline still fails to create a clear connection between the crucial plot points. The event that starts her off on her journey (the inciting incident arrival of a diamond and journal) is not directly connected to the goal of her journey to Siberia (find the truth).

                    In what way is the arrival of a mysterious diamond and her brother’s diary, an out of the ordinary and significant event that motivates her to need to do something?

                    Secondly what is the truth she must uncover in Siberia? What is her actual goal? What is it that the audience will want to see her achieve?

                    Lastly how is the diamond’s and journal’s arrival connected to the truth in Siberia? How do the former necessitate the later?

                    Singularity Answered on September 2, 2015.
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