dpg's Profile
Singularity
91336
points

Loglines
56

Reviews
4807

"Less is More." --- Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
  • Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Horror.

    First off, there’s no way getting around the first impression the logline will make:  the story idea is a  knock-off of the classic “Groundhog Day” movie.  That’s the 1st reaction, the 1st thought that will come to the mind of anyone in  the film biz who reads this logline.  So it seems to me the marketing question the story needs to address is:  what new twist does it have? In what way does it match or perhaps top  that movie?

    Now then.  There is a logical,  cause-and-effect connection between Phil Connor’s  job and the Groundhog Day celebration in Punxsutawney, PA.   Phil is a weather forecaster and the ground hog’s appearance is supposed to forecast the remainder of winter.  That’s why he’s n Punxsutawney, PA, for a news hook to what he does every day on TV.

    In contrast, I can discern no logical. cause-and-effect connection between the  woman’s profession nor her getting fired and the resulting dramatic problem.  She could just as well be a beautician or an opera singer or a web designer or a prostitute.  She could just as well have just won the grand prize in the lottery,  married the man (or woman) of her dreams,  or won the Nobel Prize for curing cancer.

    Also,  the events in the infinitely repeating  time loop in “Ground Hog Day” are compressed into one day and they are related in terms of dealing with the same set of people in the same locations.  Whereas  in this scenario, the events could be scattered, helter-skelter over the lifespan of  the main character.  Now she’s experiencing a “worst-ever moment” as a kid  in one location with one set of people, then a worst-ever moment” as a teen in another location with another set of people, then a “worst-ever” moment as an adult in yet another location with another set of people.  Is there a common thread to these  “worst-ever” moments  other than that they repeat themselves?

    Finally, Phil doesn’t know he has to figure a way out.  All he knows is that there does not seem to be a way out.  Not even by dying.  Given that the genre is horror,  should not that also be the case with the woman?

    Or if she believes there is a way out, if only she figure it out, she hopes in vain.  She looping in a horror story where there is no way out.   At least no happy way out.  To be true to the expectations for a horror film, isn’t that the way the film should play out?

    If you’ve anticipated and already puzzled out answers to my concerns and question, that’s great.  Now the trick is to write a logline that says, in effect, “It’s like Ground Hog Day– but different in a cool and clever way.”

    fwiw

    • 25 views
    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Thriller.

    What’s the story about?  Figuring out how and why she got into the predicament?  Or figuring a way out of her predicament?

    • 51 views
    • 3 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Horror.

    LIke Richiev I have no idea what the story is about.  And I am familiar with the case of the Bay Area Zodiac killer.

    Of course, a logline  shouldn’t describe the plot in detail and should never give away a Big Reveal or the ending. But it must succinctly answer 3 basic question as explained in  “Our Formula”:
    1]What is the inciting incident that sets the plot in motion?
    2] Who is the protagonist and  what is her role?
    3} What is the protagonist’s specific objective goal? What is she struggling to achieve or acquire?

    • 50 views
    • 3 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Singularity Posted 4 days ago in Crime.

    The new version seems to reverse roles. Now it’s the drug dealer who comes off as the protagonist.  Yet more words are spent describing his best friend.  Who is the protagonist?  Who owns the plot?

    And how will making $10,000 in one week save him from the mob boss?  Is he in debt to the boss, has to pay him back?  The dramatic link between cause (the threat) and effect (make $10,000) needs clarification.

    • 60 views
    • 6 reviews
    • 0 votes