RE: A teacher just fired from her job gets trapped in a time loop where she relives the worst moments from her life until she figures out how to escape.
First off, there’s no way getting around the first impression the logline will make: the story idea is a knock-off of the classic “Groundhog Day” movie. That’s the 1st reaction, the 1st thought that will come to the mind of anyone in the film biz who reads this logline. So it seems to me the marketing question the story needs to address is: what new twist does it have? In what way does it match or perhaps top that movie?
Now then. There is a logical, cause-and-effect connection between Phil Connor’s job and the Groundhog Day celebration in Punxsutawney, PA. Phil is a weather forecaster and the ground hog’s appearance is supposed to forecast the remainder of winter. That’s why he’s n Punxsutawney, PA, for a news hook to what he does every day on TV.
In contrast, I can discern no logical. cause-and-effect connection between the woman’s profession nor her getting fired and the resulting dramatic problem. She could just as well be a beautician or an opera singer or a web designer or a prostitute. She could just as well have just won the grand prize in the lottery, married the man (or woman) of her dreams, or won the Nobel Prize for curing cancer.
Also, the events in the infinitely repeating time loop in “Ground Hog Day” are compressed into one day and they are related in terms of dealing with the same set of people in the same locations. Whereas in this scenario, the events could be scattered, helter-skelter over the lifespan of the main character. Now she’s experiencing a “worst-ever moment” as a kid in one location with one set of people, then a worst-ever moment” as a teen in another location with another set of people, then a “worst-ever” moment as an adult in yet another location with another set of people. Is there a common thread to these “worst-ever” moments other than that they repeat themselves?
Finally, Phil doesn’t know he has to figure a way out. All he knows is that there does not seem to be a way out. Not even by dying. Given that the genre is horror, should not that also be the case with the woman?
Or if she believes there is a way out, if only she figure it out, she hopes in vain. She looping in a horror story where there is no way out. At least no happy way out. To be true to the expectations for a horror film, isn’t that the way the film should play out?
If you’ve anticipated and already puzzled out answers to my concerns and question, that’s great. Now the trick is to write a logline that says, in effect, “It’s like Ground Hog Day– but different in a cool and clever way.”
- 25 views
- 2 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: After a night out drowning her sorrows, a lonely woman wakes up next to a man she just met and discovers they are on his boat in the middle of the ocean and it’s sinking fast.Singularity Posted 3 days ago in Thriller.
What’s the story about? Figuring out how and why she got into the predicament? Or figuring a way out of her predicament?
- 51 views
- 3 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: The chance to bring to light a stealth Claimant to the Camelot Mantle is the media equivalent of the Holy Grail. Here is a tale of a woman raised in obscurity , in ignorance of her true origins. Living for years in the distant Provinces who has suddenly discovered her roots. More interesting, the Secret had been kept from her for over 50 years. Where the dark heart of conspiracy takes on a whole new meaning. This is the Zodiac speaking.
LIke Richiev I have no idea what the story is about. And I am familiar with the case of the Bay Area Zodiac killer.
Of course, a logline shouldn’t describe the plot in detail and should never give away a Big Reveal or the ending. But it must succinctly answer 3 basic question as explained in “Our Formula”:
1]What is the inciting incident that sets the plot in motion?
2] Who is the protagonist and what is her role?
3} What is the protagonist’s specific objective goal? What is she struggling to achieve or acquire?
- 50 views
- 3 reviews
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RE: In 1977, a reformed ex-con must return to New York City’s violent underworld in order to save his childhood best friend from a dangerous gangster.Singularity Posted 4 days ago in Crime.
The new version seems to reverse roles. Now it’s the drug dealer who comes off as the protagonist. Yet more words are spent describing his best friend. Who is the protagonist? Who owns the plot?
And how will making $10,000 in one week save him from the mob boss? Is he in debt to the boss, has to pay him back? The dramatic link between cause (the threat) and effect (make $10,000) needs clarification.
- 60 views
- 6 reviews
- 0 votes