I felt like I left something out of this one. The stakes are destroying the queen to incite anarchy, but I felt that part was irrelevant.

This new one is a little more wordy, but I’m hoping to cut it down as I figure out what I want the logline to truly be. I hope this is better than the original.

wonderful reviews, everyone. Awesome as always, but again, just a test drive. this is more like a scribble.

This is actually a test drive on a few things I’m trying to work on. So this is not a logline. It’s a test drive. I’m trying to figure a few things like how to delete logline and adjust them.

Well, I wanted it monster vs monster/god. I guess I should have logged it under SCI-FI rather than Action.

Valentin, I wasn’t referring to a computer nerd. A hand to hand combatant is more where this logline was leading. Street fighter, mma fighter, it was essentially the same idea or lead of possibilities. As to how the dancer lost the competition, I found that unimportant in the logline. It took up too much space and made it too wordy. It was that the dancer lost the competition that was the inciting incident that caused her to look for a new dance partner, ergo the fighter, to improve her performance for the upcoming competition. As to how, I’m hoping I can leave that out to inspire some faith and imagination as to what a fighter can do to help her improve. Not to mention, a fighter also has conflicts. As to what, you’ll have to wait for the release of the script to find out what his challenges and growth is.

Since all the names I come up with  are either hard to pronounce or complicated. I can’t name them, but I guess it would be easier to state which god they died by rather than the names. It still gives the impression, just a little more creativity on the reader’s part to come up with a name until the actual script comes out.

Well, I’m trying to write a story where the villain wins. Thought that might be a new kind of twist in imagination. See where it leads.

This is a remake of one the other log lines I wrote. When I used the word “game”, You can use performance or game for the competition. I just this one is better than the last one.

People are right about it being wordy. I just didn’t know how to put it down the way I wanted, but this is just a rough draft anyway, so I came up with a better one.

After an assassin mentor is killed, his cop student bands his friends together to hunt down the person responsible, a corrupt ATF Agent, who is out to destroy the city.

Still may be a little words with assassin mentor and cop student, drawing unnecessary attention to the character, but I was trying to emphasize around the two main characters. It does still sounds like a typical revenge film, but I’ve seen plenty of movies with the same loglines that have completely different meanings behind each of them.

I like your title, Richiev, if I make it a tv series. I might have to call it that because everyone gets dirty in the cop vs cop or cop vs agent movies, so that would fit in perfectly.