Who is the lead character

What do they want

What is standing in their way

Agreed, who is the lead character?

“After they kill his favorite chicken, a hermit farmer seeks revenge on the hippies who kill his favorite pet.”

Solid logline, and dpg’s follow up is pretty good

I have to agree with both dpb and glannis,

I can’t tell whether the story starts with the priest renouncing his father, or if renouncing his faith is the end of the story and the script is all about the events that lead up to that conclusion.

Agreed with the others, nice tight logline with a hook

I see now the first logline was too confusing here is a second attempt:

“After he’s accused of being a toxic male, a rough-around-the-edges truck driver turns to his childhood friend to teach him how to be a modern, sensitive man.”

This is better

Another possible title: Alpha Beta

It seems as if what sets the lead character into conflict is actually falling for his rivals fiance’

The story would be about what your character does about it.

Therefore I wouldn’t bury it at the end of the logline.

Or to put it another way, this logline is all set-up.

“When their new house eats her son, a scared mother must traverse though the evil dwelling discovering it’s secrets in order to save her child and escape the house.”