RE: When zombies slaughter their classmates and the teacher drives off with the bus, the high school film club, stranded in the wilderness, must use all their skills and movie knowledge to stay alive until help arrives.Samurai Posted on June 9, 2018 in Horror.
You’ve got a good high concept premise with the potential for some fun, zany kind of meta humor (Scream meets Night of the Living Dead).
The concern which I’m not sure if you’ve answered yet is the lack of a clear main protagonist. As you asked before, it would work as the Leader of the Film Club (or even a secondary leader who has to take charge?)
- 377 views
- 6 reviews
- 1 votes
RE: When the mentor of ruthless assassin/lone wolf cop is murdered, the assassin/cop bands his team of skilled corrupt cops/best friends together to find the one responsible.Samurai Posted on March 8, 2018 in Crime.
The logline itself is too wordy. You can simply reduce the main character to “ruthless assassin” without the lone wolf part.
Also rather than say “skilled corrupt cops/best friends” (why corrupt cops?) you can say “assemble a team of old friends”.
The main issue is making this stand out. It’s a typical revenge thriller about a hitman/assassin hunting down the killer of his mentor, which is getting to the point of overdone. What stands out about this one? What character arc would you see for this assassin? Is there a unique villain? Is there a hook? Some kind of subversion to this trope? The best subversions are contradicting or nuanced characters. I don’t believe “corrupt cop” works because they don’t sound like allies we’d get behind.
- 530 views
- 7 reviews
- 0 votes
RE: After a selfish, irresponsible, 18 year old’s father is framed and she is given his hyper- intelligent OCD son (11) to look after, she must fool Social Services into believing she is responsible enough to care for the boy, or outwit a crime syndicate into negotiating her father’s release before the boy is removed from her care.Samurai Posted on February 17, 2018 in Drama.
I understand that these are flaws that she will overcome, adding a satisfactory character arc, but the real question is this: what are her limiting beliefs that could lead to losing her brother? Certain emotions can create thoughts and beliefs, and certain beliefs can cause certain emotional character flaws.
Maybe she is selfish because she believes that no one else matters nor is worth helping out, because it’s a dog eat dog world out there. Maybe she’s irresponsible because she believes that things will sort themselves out and that she doesn’t need to worry and do anything about it.
An unrelated example: a drug addict would believe that life is too mundane, unpleasant or harsh to deal with without the aid of heroin…until they meet the man/woman of their dreams and realize that they don’t need it in their life and that they will lose their love if they don’t go clean.
IMHO, its best to stick to one of the flaws you mentioned in your logline. Remember the belief system she would have. A simpler way of viewing it, is that the character believes a lie, and that by the beginning of the 3rd act, she learns the truth.
Anyway this all my personal opinion.
So what is the appeal of this 18year old? She is both selfish AND irresponsible, what are the positive things about her that don’t allow her flaws to undercut her appeal?
- 516 views
- 6 reviews
- 0 votes