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  • Penpusher Posted on April 11, 2012 in No Category.

    Robin: “There’s no story. If I were to guess the story, I’d guess stereotypical characters and plots we’ve seen many times before when it might not be. The term ‘halfbreed’ is offensive.”

    • 26768 reviews
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  • Default Posted on April 11, 2012 in Public.

    The gay experience is in the inciting incident. It’s a bit of an inner journey but there is a lot of action that shows that. I guess I’ll just explain the story. His childhood friend visits for a couple of days in town so the protagonist visits him. Long story short, he childhood friend gives him a blowjob by force. That’s the inciting incident. The protagonist comes to terms with this because deep down he actually liked it.

    Act two starts after answering a sex ad on craigslist that his roommates were looking at, making fun of those people that post the ads. The protagonist meets this stranger from the ad to get a blowjob but chickens out at the last minute. The guy he meets gives him a bj anyway.

    The protagonist also has a girlfriend and his female co-worker is married so maybe I should include the protagonists girlfriend in the logline as well since she is an antagonist? He also doesn’t really love his girlfriend but pursues the relationship anyway. He thinks he loves her but he really doesn’t. He just doesn’t want to be alone.

    The midpoint in the story is when he discovers that the guy he met through the craigslist ad is really the female co-workers/teachers husband.

    I’m a little confused when you ask what does he try to achieve after the experience? He realizes that he isn’t gay and that he really does love his co-worker/teacher.

    It’s also a comedy. I’m not sure how to portray that in the logline though.

    • 16 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Default Posted on April 11, 2012 in No Category.

    The story the ‘play within the play’? Otherwise I’m wondering what this movie is about.

    And why three characters? Are they equal or is one the lead? In that case I’d like to see this in the logline.

    Finally, is any of the characters going through an emotional journey of change or growth? It would be good to include this in the logline.

    • 2 reviews
    • 0 votes
  • Default Posted on April 11, 2012 in No Category.

    Interesting setup and good potential for a transformational journey.

    However, currently there is no cinematic story. It is all internalized: having a role model doesn’t tell us anything about what the hero wants to achieve.

    Even the wording “finds a new heroine” moves the focus away from the character who should really be the heroine, i.e. the young woman…

    • 3 reviews
    • 0 votes