1. Posted: March 13, 2020In:

    In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers ? led by a buoyant teen ? make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

    AHarper84 Logliner

    Wasn't expecting this level of feedback - thank you! All of your comments are of use and give me a good insight into what I'm not communicating about my story within the logline.

    Wasn’t expecting this level of feedback – thank you!

    All of your comments are of use and give me a good insight into what I’m not communicating about my story within the logline.

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  2. Posted: March 13, 2020In:

    In a future where the wealthy live above the smog in floating cities, a group of scavengers ? led by a buoyant teen ? make the seemingly impossible ascent from the barren earth below in search of essential supplies for their people.

    AHarper84 Logliner

    Thanks both, good questions. I have answers to most of them. The issue is cramming enough into the logline without it turning into an outline - haha! I'm finding this logline particularly difficult as I'm having to explain the functions of the world as well as the story itself (I'm not usually a fanRead more

    Thanks both, good questions. I have answers to most of them. The issue is cramming enough into the logline without it turning into an outline – haha!

    I’m finding this logline particularly difficult as I’m having to explain the functions of the world as well as the story itself (I’m not usually a fantasists, my stories are usually grounded/contained)

    Will weigh all the above up and see how I can better summarise the story. Cheers!

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  3. Posted: March 13, 2020In:

    When the town bully humiliates him, a mild-mannered cowboy sets out to reclaim his dignity, only to accidentally kill the man, and set off his violent outlaw family.

    AHarper84 Logliner

    Hey, love the premise - I'm not sure on 'town bully' to me it sounds a little childlike which I don't think is the tone you're going for. Maybe 'local hoodlum' or something like that could work? Seems you're mostly deliberating how to end the logline... how about - 'only to accidentally kill the hooRead more

    Hey, love the premise – I’m not sure on ‘town bully’ to me it sounds a little childlike which I don’t think is the tone you’re going for. Maybe ‘local hoodlum’ or something like that could work?

    Seems you’re mostly deliberating how to end the logline… how about – ‘only to accidentally kill the hoodlum, enraging their violent, outlaw family.’

    Whatever you go for, sounds like my kind of story. Good luck!

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