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  1. Posted: April 22, 2020In: Coming of Age

    When a terminally ill student wants to commit suicide, he meets an enigmatic girl who gives him new courage to face life, only to find out that her life expectancy is lower than his.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on April 28, 2020 at 9:58 am

    I was thinking in your story. This is just the thoughts I was having. What about if he wasn?t dying. He was just depressed and suicidal. He wants to die. She is dying but wants to live. He finds a reason to live, but then learns it is going to be taken from him and their is nothing he can do.

    I was thinking in your story.

    This is just the thoughts I was having.

    What about if he wasn?t dying. He was just depressed and suicidal. He wants to die. She is dying but wants to live.

    He finds a reason to live, but then learns it is going to be taken from him and their is nothing he can do.

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  2. Posted: April 22, 2020In: Coming of Age

    When a terminally ill student wants to commit suicide, he meets an enigmatic girl who gives him new courage to face life, only to find out that her life expectancy is lower than his.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on April 24, 2020 at 8:54 am

    enigmatic Is the only thing that I find bracing. ?Why is someone that is difficult to understand going to give him courage. Maybe she does. I don?t know. ?Perhaps aim for the heartbreak instead. A suicidal terminally ill student finds hope after falling for a girl who gives him new courage to face lRead more

    enigmatic

    Is the only thing that I find bracing. ?Why is someone that is difficult to understand going to give him courage.

    Maybe she does. I don?t know. ?Perhaps aim for the heartbreak instead.

    A suicidal terminally ill student finds hope after falling for a girl who gives him new courage to face life, only to find out that her life expectancy is lower than his.

    I know I am doubling down on his new happy outlook. ?I don?t think her personality is paying enough dividends to survive the edit.

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  3. Posted: April 23, 2020In: Horror

    Chris and his team plan to renovate a community of vacant row houses. After forcing a squatter out of one of the homes, they soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
    Added an answer on April 24, 2020 at 8:46 am

    So how does the dark history impact the story?How do they react to it?How does it shape their actions?What is the story?Think of yourself as a producer reading 100 loglines. If I can?t see a story I have 99 more to read away.After evicting the last squatter a construction team finds bodies under theRead more

    So how does the dark history impact the story?

    How do they react to it?

    How does it shape their actions?

    What is the story?

    Think of yourself as a producer reading 100 loglines. If I can?t see a story I have 99 more to read away.

    After evicting the last squatter a construction team finds bodies under the floors of the row houses they are renovating.

    Does the final squatter impact the story and what they do? If not drop that person from your logline.

    After discovering a skeleton while ?renovating rows house, supernatural attackes start. The boss forces them to keep working after failing to report the skeletal remains.

    These are not great and not your story. ?But you can see the shape of the story.

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