1. Posted: January 28, 2020In:

    A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Thanks Mike. You are correct I have forgotten to give you the setting. He only discovers he has multiple personalities at the very end of the story. He believe everything is real (but the viewer is unsure). Of course the first George would have said to the producers was ?Darth Vader is Luke?s fatherRead more

    Thanks Mike. You are correct I have forgotten to give you the setting. He only discovers he has multiple personalities at the very end of the story. He believe everything is real (but the viewer is unsure).

    Of course the first George would have said to the producers was ?Darth Vader is Luke?s father?. The producers would lose their minds. Then George would explain how it happens.

    The ?sell ?don?t tell?saying ?is about how you write, not what you write. Don?t write a shopping list, use skill and interesting writing.

     

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  2. Posted: January 28, 2020In:

    A man with multiple personality disorder is being held captive by a murderous cult or his own personalities. He must rescue a girl who may or may not exist and escape.

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    Thanks. I like finding out what people feel. If I remove the twist the logline becomes a bit boring. Plus the twist is nearly always the most important parts. ?Luke I am your father?. A man must escape a murderous cult. A bit boring. The girl is discovered while he is trying to escape. He just can?tRead more

    Thanks. I like finding out what people feel.

    If I remove the twist the logline becomes a bit boring. Plus the twist is nearly always the most important parts.

    ?Luke I am your father?.

    A man must escape a murderous cult. A bit boring.

    The girl is discovered while he is trying to escape. He just can?t leave her.

    She isn?t his first goal, but becomes important.

    I?ll think of a new version and post it.

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  3. Posted: September 27, 2019In:

    A na?ve teenager takes a job as an interstellar mailman, to move to a paradise planet. On the job, he gets chased by foreign agents and assassins and discovers his paradise isn’t as good as it sounds

    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    So his want is to be a resident of the planet. I feel you are burying the story in cool stuff. His job job as a mailman and rite to stay on paradise planet is threatened when a delivery goes wrong and he is chased by assassins and foreign agents who all believe him involved.

    So his want is to be a resident of the planet. I feel you are burying the story in cool stuff.

    His job job as a mailman and rite to stay on paradise planet is threatened when a delivery goes wrong and he is chased by assassins and foreign agents who all believe him involved.

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