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Please read through the formula tab at the top of the page, and also read through the loglines other people have posted and read through the feedback they receive. Doing this will help you to understand the format and elements of a logline. Logline: "The coming-of-age stories of a swashbuckling piraRead more
Please read through the formula tab at the top of the page, and also read through the loglines other people have posted and read through the feedback they receive. Doing this will help you to understand the format and elements of a logline.
Logline: “The coming-of-age stories of a swashbuckling pirate, a rebellious princess, and an adventuring cuisinier.” (14 words)
This attempt lacks many of the elements a logline should describe. Is this for a film or television series?
Inciting incident: None described. —> Should describe the event in the story which forces the protagonist into the main conflict. Example(Finding Nemo): Marlin’s son, Nemo is? captured.
Protagonist: “swashbuckling pirate, a rebellious princess, and an adventuring cuisinier.” —> If this is a film, is there one character who gets focused on more? If it’s a television series, is there a character who gets focused on more in the first episode? Example: Marlin is the clear protagonist of “Finding Nemo”. Not Dory or any other character. Marlin is the one pursuing the objective goal which drives the story.
Goal: None described. —> Because of the inciting incident, what must the protagonist set out to accomplish?? What is the climax of the story? The goal should be the objective of what will be accomplished at that point. Example: Marlin must find his son Nemo.
The climax of the story should be an inevitable outcome which comes about because of the inciting incident. The goal should have a causal relationship with the inciting incident. Taking a look at “Finding Nemo”:
Inciting incident: Nemo is captured. Protagonist’s Goal: Find Nemo. Climax: Marlin is reunited with his son.
Antagonist: None described/implied. —> Is there a specific character/group who opposes the protagonist?
"When a humble bingo floor clerk discovers ability to predict Powerball lotto winning numbers, she must fight her family?s deadly urge to get rich quick." I agree with mikepedley85's review. Here's a breakdown from my understanding: Inciting incident: "discovers ability to predict Powerball lotto wiRead more
“When a humble bingo floor clerk discovers ability to predict Powerball lotto winning numbers, she must fight her family?s deadly urge to get rich quick.”
I agree with mikepedley85’s review. Here’s a breakdown from my understanding:
Inciting incident: “discovers ability to predict Powerball lotto winning numbers” —-> Agree with mikepedley85’s suggestion.
Protagonist: “a humble bingo floor clerk” —-> Being a bingo floor clerk may have significance in the story, but it doesn’t seem necessary in the logline. Is there a shorter way to include this?? You mentioned that you intend ‘humble’ to mean poor, but I feel as though other than stating her financial status, it doesn’t tell us what kind of personality she has, and that can be used to hint at how her personality affects the story.
Goal: “he must fight her family?s deadly urge to get rich quick.” —-> This should be changed to a specific, visual description of an objective goal. Think of the climax. At that point, what will she be trying to accomplish?
Antagonist: From the logline, it reads as though it’s her family. But in your comment you mention an outside group who tries to kill her, since that part isn’t in the logline I can’t assess it.
I suggest considering these above elements for your revisions.
While defending himself is a goal, or more specifically, to survive, it still puts him in the position of being reactive. In order to defend himself, he first has to be attacked. Which I think is fine for an initial goal, but how does that change into a goal which makes him-the protagonist- the oneRead more
While defending himself is a goal, or more specifically, to survive, it still puts him in the position of being reactive. In order to defend himself, he first has to be attacked. Which I think is fine for an initial goal, but how does that change into a goal which makes him-the protagonist- the one who is proactive? The one who drives the plot. Look at ?Logan?, the film which Hugh Jackman says will be be his last turn as Wolverine. Without spoiling the film, Logan?s goal is to deliver the girl to a place, while also defending her. By giving him a destination the film gives him an active goal to pursue, even as he fights off the antagonists. Since Star Wars is once again dominating the box office, I think this video essay?which, at one part, talks about the differences between how active and passive protagonists affect a story, is particularly relevant. While I don?t necessarily agree with some of the points as they are applied to the film, I do think the points he makes are correct regardless, especially applied to some other films. My point is that for this logline, the goal which makes your character a proactive protagonist is more important than an initial goal that is a reaction to the antagonist and inciting incident. Here?s an example using elements from your logline:?After a magic trick turns his camera into a magical weapon, an ambitious journalist investigates a group of street magicians who are actual wizards for his next story. (28)
I changed the goal to him investigating, because not only does it tie in to his journalism career, but it also gives him an active goal. He chooses to actively investigate, to which the wizards must react. Since you seem to be going in the direction of the wizards trying to kill the protagonist, I ask why? Why exactly do they want to keep their magic a secret? Something I do is to make a separate logline from the point of view of the antagonist. If you were to do that, then what is their motivation? I hope this helps.