Leaning towards: “An adrift young man must fight to survive a cannibalistic cult on a nightmare camping trip from hell” Add color: Who is this young man? I took liberties with your cult – what kind of cult are you referring to? What are these howling creatures? Is this a monster/werewolf flic? If soRead more
Leaning towards: “An adrift young man must fight to survive a cannibalistic cult on a nightmare camping trip from hell”
Add color: Who is this young man? I took liberties with your cult – what kind of cult are you referring to? What are these howling creatures? Is this a monster/werewolf flic? If so, focus your logline around this.
This is what I’m able to glean: “A barren teacher …” Teachers – known to be swimming in kids 😉. How's this family is going to provide a fix for her “desperate to be a mother” situation? Show don’t tell the tragedy and her goal. As a reader, you cannot envision what “change all their lives for the beRead more
This is what I’m able to glean: “A barren teacher …”
Teachers – known to be swimming in kids 😉. How’s this family is going to provide a fix for her “desperate to be a mother” situation?
Show don’t tell the tragedy and her goal. As a reader, you cannot envision what “change all their lives for the better” will look like on the screen.
Leaning towards: “Thrown into a fantastical world, a group of teenage runaways armed with mystical swords protects an enchanted kingdom from the armies of the underworld” It's missing the group's psychology - do they want to go home? Do they make this new world their home? Will defeating the baddiesRead more
Leaning towards: “Thrown into a fantastical world, a group of teenage runaways armed with mystical swords protects an enchanted kingdom from the armies of the underworld”
It’s missing the group’s psychology – do they want to go home? Do they make this new world their home? Will defeating the baddies open a portal home?
Feeling abandoned by the world, a young man drops everything and goes away for a weekend camping trip. Things soon turn ugly when a cult family comes looking for some sacrifices for the unseen howling creatures lurking in the nearby woods.
Odie
Leaning towards: “An adrift young man must fight to survive a cannibalistic cult on a nightmare camping trip from hell” Add color: Who is this young man? I took liberties with your cult – what kind of cult are you referring to? What are these howling creatures? Is this a monster/werewolf flic? If soRead more
Leaning towards:
“An adrift young man must fight to survive a cannibalistic cult on a nightmare camping trip from hell”
Add color:
Who is this young man?
I took liberties with your cult – what kind of cult are you referring to?
What are these howling creatures? Is this a monster/werewolf flic? If so, focus your logline around this.
Hope you find this constructive, keep going!
See lessUnable to conceive children and desperate to be a mother, a gifted young teacher comes to work for a family that has been beset by tragedy and serendipitously changes all their lives for the better
Odie
This is what I’m able to glean: “A barren teacher …” Teachers – known to be swimming in kids 😉. How's this family is going to provide a fix for her “desperate to be a mother” situation? Show don’t tell the tragedy and her goal. As a reader, you cannot envision what “change all their lives for the beRead more
This is what I’m able to glean:
“A barren teacher …”
Teachers – known to be swimming in kids 😉. How’s this family is going to provide a fix for her “desperate to be a mother” situation?
Show don’t tell the tragedy and her goal. As a reader, you cannot envision what “change all their lives for the better” will look like on the screen.
Hope you find this constructive, keep going.
See lessChosen by destiny, five teenage runaways entered to a parallel world. Empowered by mystical swords,they vow to protect the kingdom from the army of the underworld.
Odie
Leaning towards: “Thrown into a fantastical world, a group of teenage runaways armed with mystical swords protects an enchanted kingdom from the armies of the underworld” It's missing the group's psychology - do they want to go home? Do they make this new world their home? Will defeating the baddiesRead more
Leaning towards:
“Thrown into a fantastical world, a group of teenage runaways armed with mystical swords protects an enchanted kingdom from the armies of the underworld”
It’s missing the group’s psychology – do they want to go home? Do they make this new world their home? Will defeating the baddies open a portal home?
Make this yours, keep going!
See less