Glad I could help. One thing I took from dpg's answer above is that ultimately winning or losing doesn't change the fact that life will go on. What will change their lives is if they can come together by sharing their grief and healing the community. The notion that the school shooting's are usuallyRead more
Glad I could help. One thing I took from dpg’s answer above is that ultimately winning or losing doesn’t change the fact that life will go on. What will change their lives is if they can come together by sharing their grief and healing the community.
The notion that the school shooting’s are usually caused by someone within the community who has become isolated and radicalised play’s on the minds of the community and can lead to conflict and infighting. I’m not saying that is what happens in your story but it is an important point to consider as structurally there is no clear shadow or villain character, they are fighting against each other and the basketball team is the metaphor for the community unifying and fighting for a common goal.
Winning and losing matters but not as much as the community unifying in the wake of the tragedy. And while winning might expedite that unification, in this case it’s not a make or break condition in my opinion.
Also, on the father and the players in the basketball team, it could be interesting how they deal with the tragedy as the stereotype is men tend to be insular in the grief. As a part of their arcs they could be using basketball to distract from their grief but learn that they need to face the problem head on and acknowledge their grief before they can truly unify and fulfill their potential as a team.
Again, it’s hard to get all this into a logline but hopefully, it helps to clarify the concept for you.
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it's headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aiRead more
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it’s headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aimless, non-athletic father finds meaning in coaching his son’s basketball team to the championships.)
It’s an interesting character struggle that father faces in this story. How close and involved was he with his son before he died? Why does he think coaching basketball is a way to memorialise his son and overcome his grief? Why is he allowed to coach the basketball team if he is not athletic? Not saying that you need to answer these questions in the logline but the answering them for yourself may help to pick more specific words to describe the character and story in a logline.
In the aftermath of a school shooting, a victim’s non-athletic father who has given up on life finds meaning in coaching his dead son’s basketball team to the championships.
Mukul Kandara
Glad I could help. One thing I took from dpg's answer above is that ultimately winning or losing doesn't change the fact that life will go on. What will change their lives is if they can come together by sharing their grief and healing the community. The notion that the school shooting's are usuallyRead more
Glad I could help. One thing I took from dpg’s answer above is that ultimately winning or losing doesn’t change the fact that life will go on. What will change their lives is if they can come together by sharing their grief and healing the community.
The notion that the school shooting’s are usually caused by someone within the community who has become isolated and radicalised play’s on the minds of the community and can lead to conflict and infighting. I’m not saying that is what happens in your story but it is an important point to consider as structurally there is no clear shadow or villain character, they are fighting against each other and the basketball team is the metaphor for the community unifying and fighting for a common goal.
Winning and losing matters but not as much as the community unifying in the wake of the tragedy. And while winning might expedite that unification, in this case it’s not a make or break condition in my opinion.
Also, on the father and the players in the basketball team, it could be interesting how they deal with the tragedy as the stereotype is men tend to be insular in the grief. As a part of their arcs they could be using basketball to distract from their grief but learn that they need to face the problem head on and acknowledge their grief before they can truly unify and fulfill their potential as a team.
Again, it’s hard to get all this into a logline but hopefully, it helps to clarify the concept for you.
See lessIn the aftermath of a school shooting, a victim’s non-athletic father who has given up on life finds meaning in coaching his dead son’s basketball team to the championships.
Mukul Kandara
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it's headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aiRead more
I get a sense of the story that will take place and can see where it’s headed but I think the logline can be more succinct, especially when describing the father. Perhaps, changing the event to include a connection to the main character could help (e.g. After his son dies in a school shooting, an aimless, non-athletic father finds meaning in coaching his son’s basketball team to the championships.)
It’s an interesting character struggle that father faces in this story. How close and involved was he with his son before he died? Why does he think coaching basketball is a way to memorialise his son and overcome his grief? Why is he allowed to coach the basketball team if he is not athletic? Not saying that you need to answer these questions in the logline but the answering them for yourself may help to pick more specific words to describe the character and story in a logline.
See less