reluctant psychic = protagonist near death experience = inciting incident confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes Picked this logline up in the 'Review Needed' section, so lets have a go! Feels liRead more
reluctant psychic = protagonist near death experience = inciting incident confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes
Picked this logline up in the ‘Review Needed’ section, so lets have a go!
Feels like the character arc might be the classic story form of reluctant protagonist transforming into courageous hero. Now, and if this were my logline, I’d review the inciting incident stage. Near death experiences are powerful, but “reveals her soul family is trapped in karmic loops” is not an archetypal experience and difficult for most non-psychics to relate to. Confronting a narcissistic mother, however is archetypal, something audiences may more readily relate to. The missing link, technically speaking, the “Cause and Effect”, that is specifically, what evil act did mother actually do to our poor, struggling hero? To then cause us (the audience) to feel not only sorry for her, but motivate to root for her throughout the rest of the story? Of course it’s your story, but riffing here when I mention Sleeping Beauty. She had a step-mom, who had a henchman try kill her, because, well, who was the most narcissistic of them all … I my opinion, all storytelling is derivative, learn from the great stories of the past. And then add a little psychic dimensionality for originality! 😉
"a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor" = protagonist "loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling" = inciting incident "must takeover and dismantle a friend's family business" = main character goal Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. ImpliedRead more
“loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling” = inciting incident
“must takeover and dismantle a friend’s family business” = main character goal
Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. Implied character arc seems to be from bad to worse, as fleeting success, leads to losing it all, which leads to dishonoring a good friend (and their family). This guy sounds super villainous, and might benefit from just a garnish of positive character traits. Story’s power lay in guiding audience toward empathizing with a main character. This can be achieved in one of two ways: virtuous character traits, or virtuous actions. Hope I don’t sound unkind when pointing out this this guy is, well, a bit of a loser … BUT, what if there was one likeable thing about him? For example, riffing here, what if he was a family guy, loved his family a lot. Then, when confronted with the dilemma of hurting another family, WOW! Won’t this character feel twisted inside! We (the audience) will be on seat’s edge, waiting to see what will this family guy – who isn’t that good with money – do, when in a situation of financial redemption that will hurt his best friend’s family?
P.S. as far as financial advisors go, in the real world, plenty go belly-up, and are still “successful.” But only when they trade ‘other’ people’s money – not their own 🙂
"strawberry obsessed college student" = protagonist "traumatic childhood" = inciting incident "growing up" = goal "1960s San Diego" = setting Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague. Lets start with the kooky 'strawberry' obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing?Read more
“strawberry obsessed college student” = protagonist
“traumatic childhood” = inciting incident
“growing up” = goal
“1960s San Diego” = setting
Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague.
Lets start with the kooky ‘strawberry’ obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing? Greed (over eating) or ambition (to be a strawberry farm). As it stands, this is more a distinguishing mark of character, rather than a character trait.
traumatic childhood sounds nasty, but be specific. Head trauma, rape trauma, verbal abuse trauma … Sighting the source of trauma would reveal the drama’s villain too.
Growing up is a good goal, but could it be more specific? Getting out of a bad relationship is specific, and maybe this story is about living with an abusive parent … just riffing here. The point is trauma must come from some where, causing character to do something, to attempt to be somewhere else – like wishing they were in the middle of a strawberry farm, eating an endless supply of strawberries.
A reluctant psychic’s near death experience reveals her soul family is trapped in karmic loops; unless she finds the strength to confront her narcissistic mother by using her psychic abilities to uncover their past life mistakes they’ll remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity.
Philippe Le Miere
reluctant psychic = protagonist near death experience = inciting incident confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes Picked this logline up in the 'Review Needed' section, so lets have a go! Feels liRead more
reluctant psychic = protagonist
near death experience = inciting incident
confront her narcissistic mother = story goal + villain
remain trapped reliving the same life and death experiences for eternity = story stakes
Picked this logline up in the ‘Review Needed’ section, so lets have a go!
Feels like the character arc might be the classic story form of reluctant protagonist transforming into courageous hero. Now, and if this were my logline, I’d review the inciting incident stage. Near death experiences are powerful, but “reveals her soul family is trapped in karmic loops” is not an archetypal experience and difficult for most non-psychics to relate to. Confronting a narcissistic mother, however is archetypal, something audiences may more readily relate to. The missing link, technically speaking, the “Cause and Effect”, that is specifically, what evil act did mother actually do to our poor, struggling hero? To then cause us (the audience) to feel not only sorry for her, but motivate to root for her throughout the rest of the story? Of course it’s your story, but riffing here when I mention Sleeping Beauty. She had a step-mom, who had a henchman try kill her, because, well, who was the most narcissistic of them all … I my opinion, all storytelling is derivative, learn from the great stories of the past. And then add a little psychic dimensionality for originality! 😉
See lessAfter he loses all his money in the stock market and Las Vegas, a successful financial advisor has an opportunity to get out of debt—if he facilitates the takeover and dismantling of a friend’s family business.
Philippe Le Miere
"a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor" = protagonist "loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling" = inciting incident "must takeover and dismantle a friend's family business" = main character goal Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. ImpliedRead more
“a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor” = protagonist
“loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling” = inciting incident
“must takeover and dismantle a friend’s family business” = main character goal
Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. Implied character arc seems to be from bad to worse, as fleeting success, leads to losing it all, which leads to dishonoring a good friend (and their family). This guy sounds super villainous, and might benefit from just a garnish of positive character traits. Story’s power lay in guiding audience toward empathizing with a main character. This can be achieved in one of two ways: virtuous character traits, or virtuous actions. Hope I don’t sound unkind when pointing out this this guy is, well, a bit of a loser … BUT, what if there was one likeable thing about him? For example, riffing here, what if he was a family guy, loved his family a lot. Then, when confronted with the dilemma of hurting another family, WOW! Won’t this character feel twisted inside! We (the audience) will be on seat’s edge, waiting to see what will this family guy – who isn’t that good with money – do, when in a situation of financial redemption that will hurt his best friend’s family?
P.S. as far as financial advisors go, in the real world, plenty go belly-up, and are still “successful.” But only when they trade ‘other’ people’s money – not their own 🙂
See lessA strawberry obsessed college student runs away to seek fame after suffering from physical and emotional abuse in 1960s San Diego.
Philippe Le Miere
"strawberry obsessed college student" = protagonist "traumatic childhood" = inciting incident "growing up" = goal "1960s San Diego" = setting Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague. Lets start with the kooky 'strawberry' obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing?Read more
“strawberry obsessed college student” = protagonist
“traumatic childhood” = inciting incident
“growing up” = goal
“1960s San Diego” = setting
Could be a good story sketch, but overall too vague.
Lets start with the kooky ‘strawberry’ obsession. What underlying character flaw might this be revealing? Greed (over eating) or ambition (to be a strawberry farm). As it stands, this is more a distinguishing mark of character, rather than a character trait.
traumatic childhood sounds nasty, but be specific. Head trauma, rape trauma, verbal abuse trauma … Sighting the source of trauma would reveal the drama’s villain too.
Growing up is a good goal, but could it be more specific? Getting out of a bad relationship is specific, and maybe this story is about living with an abusive parent … just riffing here. The point is trauma must come from some where, causing character to do something, to attempt to be somewhere else
See less– like wishing they were in the middle of a strawberry farm, eating an endless supply of strawberries.