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Ah, Romance genre? ... murder, mystery, false accusations ... usually genre = Thriller Ok, so we have one "woman" - lets give this woman some shape. Age, race, nationality, height, hair color ... you get the picture, right! Then there's my favorite - psychology. Is this a strong woman, cause if so,Read more
Ah, Romance genre? … murder, mystery, false accusations … usually genre = Thriller
Ok, so we have one “woman” – lets give this woman some shape. Age, race, nationality, height, hair color … you get the picture, right!
Then there’s my favorite – psychology. Is this a strong woman, cause if so, she will react very differently to a murder scene, than say, if she was a meek person.
Finally, who did commit this mystery murder – remember loglines are a short synopsis – not marketing.
Good logline structure. Audience is served one "socially inexperienced Papuan girl", who experiences an inciting incident with one "young (male) recluse". Love is the motivator driving this plot (and genre is Romance). So, in the style of 'When Harry Met Sally...'(1989), what then is eternally keepiRead more
Good logline structure.
Audience is served one “socially inexperienced Papuan girl”, who experiences an inciting incident with one “young (male) recluse”. Love is the motivator driving this plot (and genre is Romance).
So, in the style of ‘When Harry Met Sally…'(1989), what then is eternally keeping these lovers apart? For Sally and Harry it was timing (each seemed to be in another relationship when ever their lives crossed). Or, think Shakespeare and his beloved Romeo and Juliet! Two warring factions tearing their community apart.
Here, in this story we are presented illness as the conflict, symbolized by Western medicine vs.native lore. Big idea, noble in spirit, but well, difficult to “visualize”.
My empathy reaches out to the fatally ill boy – yet it’s clear our Papuan girl is the protagonist … What must she “do” (think verb/action) in order to save her beloved (other than sit by his bedside and have a long philosophical argument about Western vs native medicine)?
Story may be aided by introducing a third “Villain” character. This character causes (deliberately or otherwise) the illness of the recluse boy, and my represent the antagonist of ‘native medicine’.
A quick, Intuitive response to this logline is - "Feels a bit abstract". Having difficult visualizing lofty concepts such as 'self-preservation' and 'self-worth'. And wishing you might 'show' (not 'tell') me what actions this beleaguered barmaid and infatuated co-worker might be 'doing' to cause a 'Read more
A quick, Intuitive response to this logline is – “Feels a bit abstract”.
Having difficult visualizing lofty concepts such as ‘self-preservation’ and ‘self-worth’. And wishing you might ‘show’ (not ‘tell’) me what actions this beleaguered barmaid and infatuated co-worker might be ‘doing’ to cause a ‘Sophie’s Choice (1982)’ like situation.
Expressed simply, more verbs please.
Otherwise good logline structure. Clear protagonist/anthologist duality, Villainous blackmailing behavior, innocent barmaid … perhaps describe the blackmail, expand on the death threat. Situation implies sexual tension (co-worker is male?), but does not state it.
Finally, what did the barmaid do, that was so bad, that she is blackmailable. Remember, a logline is not marketing, so clarity is important.