This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What's their objective goal? I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don't need to know they are transferred as that's simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowinRead more
As per dpg and Richiev. In addition: We don't need names in a logline. It adds no value, only more words. Instead, consider telling us who Grant is. You mentioned he is a scientist but what is his character flaw? What is the characteristic that gives him his arc? Given that the audience must followRead more
I agree with the other comments. The word "young" in a logline really frustrates me. It's so vague. You say "young boy" and I'm thinking 4 years old... is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it'Read more
Missing – A broken undercover cop and rookie detective are transferred into missing persons. During investigating a missing woman they discover links to one of his old undercover cases and a cover up by his former handler.
Mike Pedley
This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What's their objective goal? I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don't need to know they are transferred as that's simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowinRead more
A family is miraculously spared when a firestorm passes directly over their horse ranch without effect, but the scientist home owner and his wife don’t believe in the supernatural. Can Grant believe what his scientist’s eyes are telling him?
Mike Pedley
As per dpg and Richiev. In addition: We don't need names in a logline. It adds no value, only more words. Instead, consider telling us who Grant is. You mentioned he is a scientist but what is his character flaw? What is the characteristic that gives him his arc? Given that the audience must followRead more
When his father and brother died in a tunnel collapse, a mischievous young boy must take over the work in mines to survive life.
Mike Pedley
I agree with the other comments. The word "young" in a logline really frustrates me. It's so vague. You say "young boy" and I'm thinking 4 years old... is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it'Read more