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This is all just the inciting incident as it currently stands. What are they going to do about it? What's their objective goal? I feel like the first sentence is unnecessary. We don't need to know they are transferred as that's simply a bit of back story and not the inciting incident. Without knowinRead more
As per dpg and Richiev. In addition: We don't need names in a logline. It adds no value, only more words. Instead, consider telling us who Grant is. You mentioned he is a scientist but what is his character flaw? What is the characteristic that gives him his arc? Given that the audience must followRead more
I agree with the other comments. The word "young" in a logline really frustrates me. It's so vague. You say "young boy" and I'm thinking 4 years old... is he really working in a mine? No, probably not. So how old is he? 10? The story changes drastically depending on the age of the protagonist so it'Read more