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When a socially-awkward man encounters a thespian girl in an improv class, he must push past his anxiety and perform in a battle for her hand against a man with the same intent.
The whole thing kinda reduces the girl to a prize to be won... not sure that's really appropriate in this modern day world. She needs to be an active character, not just a trophy.
The whole thing kinda reduces the girl to a prize to be won… not sure that’s really appropriate in this modern day world. She needs to be an active character, not just a trophy.
See lessSeeing his wife’s ghost each morning for breakfast a man becomes vigilante after the police decide to stop investigating her murder.
I think you can do better than "a man". He's your protagonist after all. Can you give us a little more so we get some idea of who he is and what his arc is. I'm guessing it's being able to let his wife go at the end? I agree with Richiev about the structure - the police stopping the investigation isRead more
I think you can do better than “a man”. He’s your protagonist after all. Can you give us a little more so we get some idea of who he is and what his arc is. I’m guessing it’s being able to let his wife go at the end?
I agree with Richiev about the structure – the police stopping the investigation is the inciting incident.
I think there’s a big difference in saying “becomes [a] vigilante” and “fixes the suburb she loved”. The latter is infinitely more powerful. Also, Richiev makes a valid addition in including his goal after he becomes a vigilante. Your logline doesn’t really get us past the first act – what does he specifically want to do as a vigilante? I refer back to the “fixing the suburb she loved” bit. This doesn’t fall into the Thriller genre as much as “catching his wife’s killer”.
I feel like the seeing his wife’s ghost feels disconnected to the plot and again, I got a lot more information from the text under the logline. Is it a delusion or is he actually seeing her ghost?
See lessA college basketball player, dumped on the street by his girlfriend, is pushed to the edge by the pressure of school, sports, work, and savage city life.
So tell us what he's going to do about it. That's the story. Films are not just about problems, they are about how people try to solve them.
So tell us what he’s going to do about it. That’s the story. Films are not just about problems, they are about how people try to solve them.
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