I can only assume that she MUST obtain evidence now that he killed someone close to her... This is your inciting event, and it needs to be front and center in the logline - start with that. Secondly, what's the purpose of evidence if not to use in the court of law? Her goal shouldn't be evidence butRead more
I can only assume that she MUST obtain evidence now that he killed someone close to her… This is your inciting event, and it needs to be front and center in the logline – start with that. Secondly, what’s the purpose of evidence if not to use in the court of law? Her goal shouldn’t be evidence but the legal implications thereof. Also, the stakes are implied but not stated – “…sadistic steps…” is too vague. Will he kill her? Torture her? Beat her up? Kill her would be best, as it’s the highest stakes. My try: After her boss kills her sister, a gullible whistle-blower must obtain evidence to incriminate him and save her own life.
Lastly, a whistle-blower, by definition, is not gullible. Also, gullible, much like its cousin ‘naive’, is not the strongest description as they’re not really flaws. Gullible and naive are generally perceived as positive character traits, not flaws. And naive and gullible characters have been done too many times already, especially female ones. DON’T GO THERE – LEAVE THAT CAN OF WORMS SHUT THIS IS ABOUT STORY, NO SOCIAL POLITICS. What other flaws would be more original, and by extension, marketable? Could she be vengeful, selfish, or perhaps a criminal herself?
Last thing is, if you’ve mentioned her boss, why not mention her job? Describe the character using her job and a genuine flaw. This way, her characteristics can be tied into the story’s themes, and the logline will improve.
Arguably, so are all the other survivors. What is it specifically about this dude that makes his struggle against the regime interesting, or rather more interesting than anyone else's?
Arguably, so are all the other survivors. What is it specifically about this dude that makes his struggle against the regime interesting, or rather more interesting than anyone else’s?
This sounds like an interesting film - I will try to find it. Thanks! About the logline I would change it so: After air currents crash a wealthy South Korean paraglider in North Korea,? she must collaborate with an army officer to avoid getting arrested and cross the border back home. Unfortunately,Read more
This sounds like an interesting film – I will try to find it.
Thanks!
About the logline I would change it so:
After air currents crash a wealthy South Korean paraglider in North Korea,? she must collaborate with an army officer to avoid getting arrested and cross the border back home.
A righteous but gullible whistle-blower must obtain evidence her intimidating boss is a murderous monster before he catches on and takes sadistic steps to silence her for good.
Neer Shelter
I can only assume that she MUST obtain evidence now that he killed someone close to her... This is your inciting event, and it needs to be front and center in the logline - start with that. Secondly, what's the purpose of evidence if not to use in the court of law? Her goal shouldn't be evidence butRead more
I can only assume that she MUST obtain evidence now that he killed someone close to her… This is your inciting event, and it needs to be front and center in the logline – start with that.
Secondly, what’s the purpose of evidence if not to use in the court of law? Her goal shouldn’t be evidence but the legal implications thereof. Also, the stakes are implied but not stated – “…sadistic steps…” is too vague. Will he kill her? Torture her? Beat her up? Kill her would be best, as it’s the highest stakes.
My try:
After her boss kills her sister, a gullible whistle-blower must obtain evidence to incriminate him and save her own life.
Lastly, a whistle-blower, by definition, is not gullible. Also, gullible, much like its cousin ‘naive’, is not the strongest description as they’re not really flaws. Gullible and naive are generally perceived as positive character traits, not flaws. And naive and gullible characters have been done too many times already, especially female ones.
DON’T GO THERE – LEAVE THAT CAN OF WORMS SHUT THIS IS ABOUT STORY, NO SOCIAL POLITICS.
What other flaws would be more original, and by extension, marketable? Could she be vengeful, selfish, or perhaps a criminal herself?
Last thing is, if you’ve mentioned her boss, why not mention her job? Describe the character using her job and a genuine flaw. This way, her characteristics can be tied into the story’s themes, and the logline will improve.
See lessOn a post-apocalyptic Earth with one side continually facing the sun, a gritty outsider and the metaphysical representation of his soul are forced into facing a new tyrannical regime that threatens the last remains of humanity.
Neer Shelter
Arguably, so are all the other survivors. What is it specifically about this dude that makes his struggle against the regime interesting, or rather more interesting than anyone else's?
Arguably, so are all the other survivors. What is it specifically about this dude that makes his struggle against the regime interesting, or rather more interesting than anyone else’s?
See lessAfter accidentally landing in North Korea with a paraglider, a rich South Korean heiress with the help of a North Korean military officer has to find a way out of the country without getting arrested and killed. -Crash landing on you (2019) -37 words
Neer Shelter
This sounds like an interesting film - I will try to find it. Thanks! About the logline I would change it so: After air currents crash a wealthy South Korean paraglider in North Korea,? she must collaborate with an army officer to avoid getting arrested and cross the border back home. Unfortunately,Read more
This sounds like an interesting film – I will try to find it.
Thanks!
About the logline I would change it so:
After air currents crash a wealthy South Korean paraglider in North Korea,? she must collaborate with an army officer to avoid getting arrested and cross the border back home.
Unfortunately, the stakes are all too clear.
See less