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While waiting for the results of some tests, Marc, a young man with cancer, meets Oscar. The two young men end up having an exciting romantic relationship. After discharge the boys decide to take a trip around the world. But your secrets will come out.
The logline is not presented in the format that is recommended on this site. Please have a look at the tutorials under "START HERE" and "Formula". Leaving our recommended format aside, this is still not an industry standard logline. You'll do so much better following the advice we give. A few pointeRead more
The logline is not presented in the format that is recommended on this site. Please have a look at the tutorials under “START HERE” and “Formula”.
Leaving our recommended format aside, this is still not an industry standard logline. You’ll do so much better following the advice we give.
A few pointers:
– don’t name the characters. The story needs to work without names.
– write it in ONE sentence. This is a paragraph synopsis.
– focus on what you want the reader to imagine in terms of action. Right now, there is none.
Good luck.
See lessA priest kidnaps an atheist writer and tortures him until he believes in God or one of them dies in the process.
Not sure if I'd want to watch this, but it reminds me of a scene in Severance, where one character is mentally tortured until she says something in a way that sounds like she believes it. This reads like a version of Misery, with a psycho priest. "Both David and the priest must reexamine their belieRead more
Not sure if I’d want to watch this, but it reminds me of a scene in Severance, where one character is mentally tortured until she says something in a way that sounds like she believes it.
This reads like a version of Misery, with a psycho priest.
“Both David and the priest must reexamine their beliefs” doesn’t seem plausible, because a psycho is unlikely to be cured, and David is not going to become a believer from the experience.
Finally, your logline confirms to me that the formula we advocate on this website is effective, because it suggests to write the logline from the Main Character’s POV.
Can you give it a shot, and write this logline from the POV of David? “When an atheist writer is kidnapped and tortured…”
This recommended approach also stresses the need for an Action by David. The way you have written it, David is a passive character in the version of the story I imagine.
See lessA music teacher has a fatal accident, just as he was to achieve his dream of playing jazz professionally, and lands in the ‘Great Before’, from where he desperately tries to find his way back to his body.
I disagree about the comma comment. As long as they're used grammatically correctly, they SHOULD improve the sentence's readability. Here's another take on this logline: "When a jazz musician on the brink of a career breakthrough lands in the 'Great Before' after an accident, he must find a way backRead more
I disagree about the comma comment. As long as they’re used grammatically correctly, they SHOULD improve the sentence’s readability.
Here’s another take on this logline:
“When a jazz musician on the brink of a career breakthrough lands in the ‘Great Before’ after an accident, he must find a way back to his body.”
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