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A guy walks in a bar to find himself in the middle of a heist.
Hi Wind, I'm not sure if you were serious with this logline, but if you were I recommend you read the guidelines on this site?in order to better understand what is expected. Then, you can post an updated version here in the comments. As it stands right now, we don't really have a character ("a guy"Read more
Hi Wind,
I’m not sure if you were serious with this logline, but if you were I recommend you read the guidelines on this site?in order to better understand what is expected.
Then, you can post an updated version here in the comments.
As it stands right now, we don’t really have a character (“a guy” is too vague), and the rest of the sentence provides only a setup, an event or catalyst. Without the character doing anything, there is no story.
See lessWhen a spaceship transporting colonists on a 90 year journey to a distant planet malfunctions causing a passenger to awaken from hibernation early, he must find a way to resume hibernation or die of old age.
How about: When a passenger?on a 90-year space journey wakes up from hibernation because of a malfunction, he must repair the ship?to resume hibernation, or die of old age. (30 words) It's shorter, and I find the structure is clearer with the protag upfront. I can instantly see a major story flaw: TRead more
How about:
When a passenger?on a 90-year space journey wakes up from hibernation because of a malfunction, he must repair the ship?to resume hibernation, or die of old age. (30 words)
It’s shorter, and I find the structure is clearer with the protag upfront.
I can instantly see a major story flaw:
The passenger only shortens his life by the time it takes to repair. Even if the repair takes a year, he’ll only shave off one year of his life. So the ‘die of old age’ is not really high stakes, in the sense that there’s no strong ticking clock.
Did the movie work for you?
See lessWhen naive but not stupid pizza master realized that he inherited a Mafia don, must confront the heads of the other families in order to bring the family business into legal channels.
Hi Babaroga, Cool concept! What do you mean by "confront the heads of the other families"? I am assuming that the conflict in this story drives from the fact that once you're in the Mafia, you can't get out. And this is exactly what the pizza master wants to do, right? On a side note, I noticed thatRead more
Hi Babaroga,
Cool concept!
What do you mean by “confront the heads of the other families”?
I am assuming that the conflict in this story drives from the fact that once you’re in the Mafia, you can’t get out.
And this is exactly what the pizza master wants to do, right?
On a side note, I noticed that you have posted quote a few loglines, but only just as many reviews.
May I ask you kindly to keep the ration loglines/reviews to 1/2, or close to that? Thanks!
Cheers,
Karel
See less