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Cultures collide when a flat-footed reservist deployed as a guard befriends a rebellious enemy and must protect them from a sleepy small-town intent on financial gain from an influx of Japanese prisoners of war.
It is difficult to tell whether your use of the word, 'them' is used as a plural, or if it is a gender identifier. In other words, is there a single Japanese prisoner of war that the lead befriends? Or is he befriending the entire community within the internment camp? If it is the latter and he befrRead more
It is difficult to tell whether your use of the word, ‘them’ is used as a plural, or if it is a gender identifier.
In other words, is there a single Japanese prisoner of war that the lead befriends? Or is he befriending the entire community within the internment camp?
If it is the latter and he befriends the entire Japanese community, you should still have a single prisoner with whom the lead has a deeper connection, then as the third act ramps up, you should put that person in danger.
Anyway, I believe this is a solid premise. Very interesting.
See lessFamilies must take the law into their own hands after they discover the new neighbors aren’t the perfect family everyone thought they were.
A logline must be compelling, it's what sells the story to the industry. Your logline would improve and draw the reader in if it were more specific. There should be a specific event that compels the family to take the law into their own hands and that event should be personal. The event should alsoRead more
A logline must be compelling, it’s what sells the story to the industry.
Your logline would improve and draw the reader in if it were more specific.
There should be a specific event that compels the family to take the law into their own hands and that event should be personal.
The event should also be horrific enough that the reader will understand why it might compel an ordinary person to take the law into their own hands.
Finally, there should be stakes of some sort if the lead character fails.
See lesswhen power hungry aliens close in on earth, one of the worlds most skilled gamers must play a game of five card poker with them in order to save humanity
Interesting concept, plus it can be shot in a single room. Not sure if you have to say five-card poker since traditional poker is played with five cards, so you can cut it to just poker. If there is anything to change in the logline, perhaps the description, 'one of the world's most skilled gamers'Read more
Interesting concept, plus it can be shot in a single room.
Not sure if you have to say five-card poker since traditional poker is played with five cards, so you can cut it to just poker.
If there is anything to change in the logline, perhaps the description, ‘one of the world’s most skilled gamers’ is a bit long, why not, ‘the world’s best gamer,’ or ‘world champion poker player’?
But these are minute details. The logline is solid if you don’t want to change it.
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