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Misopedist Captain James Hook must confront his tortured past when he is forced to rescue a group of children held hostage by the demon boy, Peter Pan.
I definitely like the premise. ---- "When his daughter is spirited away by Peter Pan, Captain Hook is forced to return to Neverland in order to rescue his daughter all while confronting the demons of his past." ----- Or maybe it's his son who is kidnapped since the story will involve the lost boys.
I definitely like the premise.
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“When his daughter is spirited away by Peter Pan, Captain Hook is forced to return to Neverland in order to rescue his daughter all while confronting the demons of his past.”
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Or maybe it’s his son who is kidnapped since the story will involve the lost boys.
After a talk show host smears the poor on TV, a woman who advocates for society’s invisible goes on the show to confront him then he physically assaults her, years later she struggles to help him when she discovers that he has become one of society’s invisible.
This logline is vague, which I sense you did on purpose to add mystery, however too much vagueness and it takes away from the impact of the logline. Vague: 1: A woman, this is vague. What woman? Proud banker? Snarky babysitter? Intelligent professor? 1: Why does she confront the host. Why does she fRead more
This logline is vague, which I sense you did on purpose to add mystery, however too much vagueness and it takes away from the impact of the logline.
Vague:
1: A woman, this is vague. What woman? Proud banker? Snarky babysitter? Intelligent professor?
1: Why does she confront the host. Why does she feel the need, is it personal?
2: What last words?
3: What terrible event?
4: What, ‘one thing’ must he do?
Also, who is the lead character, it seems as if the woman is the lead but it is the talk show host who must ‘do something’ which makes it seem like he is the lead character.
I believe if you add some specifics it will help the logline become more compelling.
See lessA defence company sales manager discovers that his division manager has built a bribery mechanism inside the company and he needs to stop them before they will be able to fire him
I am not sure the stakes are high enough. A defense company would sell weapons, perhaps even bombs, helicopters, assault weapons, military drones. Why would they take bribes? To make money selling guns to organizations on the terrorist watch list. In other words, if an unscrupulous organization bribRead more
I am not sure the stakes are high enough.
A defense company would sell weapons, perhaps even bombs, helicopters, assault weapons, military drones.
Why would they take bribes?
To make money selling guns to organizations on the terrorist watch list.
In other words, if an unscrupulous organization bribes the division manager, his boss has a secret mechanism to discretely sell weapons to terrorist organizations. The Bad guys.
Now the lead discovers what’s going on.
He thought he worked for the good guys, but instead, he works for the very people supplying terrorists.
The story would be what the lead character does about it. What actions the lead takes to stop his manager.
It could be the lead risks his life gathering evidence in order to go to the authorities and become a whistleblower.
But the stakes should be higher than the lead just worrying he will lose his job.
Just some thoughts,
See lessHope this helps.