Considering all of your super-detailed and incredibly welcome feedback, I've decided to give this concept one final push, after revising for a considerable period of time these past days. Special huge thank you to Mr. Danzig for his continued detailed feedback with all of my logline drafts. I have pRead more
Considering all of your super-detailed and incredibly welcome feedback, I’ve decided to give this concept one final push, after revising for a considerable period of time these past days. Special huge thank you to Mr. Danzig for his continued detailed feedback with all of my logline drafts. I have posted my logline as a 5th revision, and I look forward to your feedback as always, but I have a gut feeling this is the last revision and the one I will actively pursue as my next project. Thanks to all of you and this wonderful website again.
Thank you all for your super-helpful feedback! I've posted a second logline as a revision of the first, titled (2nd revision), which I hope meets all of your suggestions and feedback - or at least improves upon this one here. Thank you all again.
Thank you all for your super-helpful feedback! I’ve posted a second logline as a revision of the first, titled (2nd revision), which I hope meets all of your suggestions and feedback – or at least improves upon this one here. Thank you all again.
Thank you all for the feedback! I understand how it's challenging to suspend disbelief on the schizophrenia aspect. It doesn't make sense. My apologies for that -- I am removing that detail, as it wasn't as relevant to the story after I reanalyzed it. I also want to clarify that retrograde amnesia iRead more
Thank you all for the feedback! I understand how it’s challenging to suspend disbelief on the schizophrenia aspect. It doesn’t make sense. My apologies for that — I am removing that detail, as it wasn’t as relevant to the story after I reanalyzed it. I also want to clarify that retrograde amnesia is only amnesia that removes memories, not skills. For example, this astronaut may not remember what car she once had on Earth, but she’ll still remember how to drive it. The same concept applies here to the spacecraft, which is why I believe it’s important to specify that the amnesia is retrograde, and that it is progressive (worsens over time). To keep it at plain language, I think I can replace amnesia with memory loss, but specify that it is progressive, and achieve the same, albeit more clear result. With all your extremely helpful feedback in mind (which I deeply thank you for), here is my revision:
Crashed on a faraway planet with progressive memory loss, a young astronaut must rebuild her spacecraft before a shape-shifting alien makes her the host to repopulate its world.
I’ll post this, marked with (2nd revision) on another post. Thank you again. I look forward to your feedback.
A crisis manager by day and citizen journalist by night is recruited by a vigilante mob to expose the corporation he is paid to protect.
SG2210
Considering all of your super-detailed and incredibly welcome feedback, I've decided to give this concept one final push, after revising for a considerable period of time these past days. Special huge thank you to Mr. Danzig for his continued detailed feedback with all of my logline drafts. I have pRead more
Considering all of your super-detailed and incredibly welcome feedback, I’ve decided to give this concept one final push, after revising for a considerable period of time these past days. Special huge thank you to Mr. Danzig for his continued detailed feedback with all of my logline drafts. I have posted my logline as a 5th revision, and I look forward to your feedback as always, but I have a gut feeling this is the last revision and the one I will actively pursue as my next project. Thanks to all of you and this wonderful website again.
See lessWhen the megalomaniac magnate of a memory-erasing mafia refuses to name any of his bellicose triplets as successor, they race against each other to expose the memories he erased before the mafia erases theirs.
SG2210
Thank you all for your super-helpful feedback! I've posted a second logline as a revision of the first, titled (2nd revision), which I hope meets all of your suggestions and feedback - or at least improves upon this one here. Thank you all again.
Thank you all for your super-helpful feedback! I’ve posted a second logline as a revision of the first, titled (2nd revision), which I hope meets all of your suggestions and feedback – or at least improves upon this one here. Thank you all again.
See lessCrashed on a faraway planet with retrograde amnesia, a young, ingenious but highly schizophrenic astronaut strives to rebuild her spacecraft while endeavoring to outwit a manipulative, shape-shifting alien whose sole impetus is to repopulate by abusing her as a host.
SG2210
Thank you all for the feedback! I understand how it's challenging to suspend disbelief on the schizophrenia aspect. It doesn't make sense. My apologies for that -- I am removing that detail, as it wasn't as relevant to the story after I reanalyzed it. I also want to clarify that retrograde amnesia iRead more
Thank you all for the feedback! I understand how it’s challenging to suspend disbelief on the schizophrenia aspect. It doesn’t make sense. My apologies for that — I am removing that detail, as it wasn’t as relevant to the story after I reanalyzed it. I also want to clarify that retrograde amnesia is only amnesia that removes memories, not skills. For example, this astronaut may not remember what car she once had on Earth, but she’ll still remember how to drive it. The same concept applies here to the spacecraft, which is why I believe it’s important to specify that the amnesia is retrograde, and that it is progressive (worsens over time). To keep it at plain language, I think I can replace amnesia with memory loss, but specify that it is progressive, and achieve the same, albeit more clear result. With all your extremely helpful feedback in mind (which I deeply thank you for), here is my revision:
Crashed on a faraway planet with progressive memory loss, a young astronaut must rebuild her spacecraft before a shape-shifting alien makes her the host to repopulate its world.
I’ll post this, marked with (2nd revision) on another post. Thank you again. I look forward to your feedback.
See less