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  1. Posted: October 16, 2022In: SciFi

    The mysterious disappearance of a young girl and other children aboard a flight leads to a chain of unexplained events and a mother’s startling revelations about her own destiny.

    sloanpeterson Logliner
    Added an answer on October 19, 2022 at 8:32 am

    It starts out strong, but then it gets really unclear. Is the mother the main character? The villain? Also, a chain of unexplained events just sounds frustrating for the viewer. I would hope that at some point we get answers.

    It starts out strong, but then it gets really unclear. Is the mother the main character? The villain? Also, a chain of unexplained events just sounds frustrating for the viewer. I would hope that at some point we get answers.

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  2. Posted: October 18, 2022In: Comedy

    Two stoner best friends and Patriots fans must race against time to get last minute tickets to a game they want to go.

    sloanpeterson Logliner
    Added an answer on October 19, 2022 at 8:25 am

    The stakes aren't very high. If they fail, they didn't get to go to a game they can probably watch on TV. Also why didn't they just buy tickets like people do everyday? I guess because they're stoners, but still...

    The stakes aren’t very high. If they fail, they didn’t get to go to a game they can probably watch on TV. Also why didn’t they just buy tickets like people do everyday? I guess because they’re stoners, but still…

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  3. Posted: March 24, 2022In: SciFi

    An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students, who’ve developed a group mind after they’ve been infected by a spore from a decommissioned satellite.

    sloanpeterson Logliner
    Added an answer on March 31, 2022 at 3:24 am

    I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe... An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with a spore from a decommissioned satellite, causing them to develop a grRead more

    I would just change the order a bit because it felt like i was playing catch up while reading. Maybe…

    An earnest biology teacher fights a desperate battle to stop the military from weaponizing his students by infecting them with a spore from a decommissioned satellite, causing them to develop a group mind.

    Also, developing a group mind doesn’t sound too terribly bad or urgent. What is it about this group mind that is dangerous? The word weaponizing is good, and battle as well, but then this wording kind of takes the danger out of it.

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