This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century. Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big proRead more
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century.
Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big problem when both choices mean a happy ending. Try to figure a way to up the stakes regardless of genre.
I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone's secret you have the keys to the secret; you can't blackmail a homeless person with homelessnRead more
I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone’s secret you have the keys to the secret; you can’t blackmail a homeless person with homelessness.
Maybe you wanted something like one of the following:
A fifty year-old man blackmails a twenty year-old woman, leaving her the choice between living with him? as his mistress or unemployment and homelessness.
A middle-aged man tells a homeless, eighteen year-old runaway he’ll inform her parents of her whereabouts unless she? agrees to live? with him as his mistress.
Its all too vague. What is the man's talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn'Read more
Its all too vague. What is the man’s talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn’t yesterday or last week or last year? What incident kicks the ball rolling?
Remember, a logline has to distinguish your film from others, so specifics are your friends.
After falling in love with twin sisters, an irresolute Iranian student has to decide with whom he wants to spend his life with before getting forcibly married to an unkown woman by his family.
yqwertz
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century. Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big proRead more
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century.
Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big problem when both choices mean a happy ending. Try to figure a way to up the stakes regardless of genre.
See lessWhen a young homeless woman is confronted by an evil older male blackmailer, who holds the key to her secret, she must choose between her dignity and a roof over her head. (this is for a scene, but I’m requested to submit a logline for it).
yqwertz
I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone's secret you have the keys to the secret; you can't blackmail a homeless person with homelessnRead more
I think you were trying too hard to be mysterious and secretive and ended up with a convoluted sentence full of pleonasm. Blackmailers are always more evil than anyone else in the film; if you know someone’s secret you have the keys to the secret; you can’t blackmail a homeless person with homelessness.
Maybe you wanted something like one of the following:
A fifty year-old man blackmails a twenty year-old woman, leaving her the choice between living with him? as his mistress or unemployment and homelessness.
A middle-aged man tells a homeless, eighteen year-old runaway he’ll inform her parents of her whereabouts unless she? agrees to live? with him as his mistress.
See lessA talented lonely man falls in love with his soulmate but everyday fighting brings out her past and his imaginary future.
yqwertz
Its all too vague. What is the man's talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn'Read more
Its all too vague. What is the man’s talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn’t yesterday or last week or last year? What incident kicks the ball rolling?
Remember, a logline has to distinguish your film from others, so specifics are your friends.
See less