This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century. Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big proRead more
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century.
Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big problem when both choices mean a happy ending. Try to figure a way to up the stakes regardless of genre.
Its all too vague. What is the man's talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn'Read more
Its all too vague. What is the man’s talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn’t yesterday or last week or last year? What incident kicks the ball rolling?
Remember, a logline has to distinguish your film from others, so specifics are your friends.
I think you misunderstood the previous commentators when they asked "who is the lead character?" They didn't mean give us his name, proper names have no place in loglines, rather they meant describe the lead character using traits that will either help or hurt him reach his goal. Now what is the leaRead more
I think you misunderstood the previous commentators when they asked “who is the lead character?” They didn’t mean give us his name, proper names have no place in loglines, rather they meant describe the lead character using traits that will either help or hurt him reach his goal.
Now what is the lead’s goal? What does he want to do after he realizes the neighbor hood has a “dark history”? Does he give up? Does he continue? Does he stop construction and call in a witch doctor?
As others said previously,? “dark history” is too vague to be interesting. How does your lead realize there is a dark history? Do his men start dying in odd accidents? Does he see ghosts? Be specific. You can hide the big reveal that comes at the end, but the essence of the first act must be clear.
Finally, a good place to start learning about loglines is by clicking on the “Formula” link at the top of the page.
After falling in love with twin sisters, an irresolute Iranian student has to decide with whom he wants to spend his life with before getting forcibly married to an unkown woman by his family.
yqwertz
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century. Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big proRead more
This sounds more like a male-fantasy comedy than a romance. There is a place for women without agency in the former but not the latter, especially if the film is set in the 21st century.
Also, there does not seem to be much conflict. Sure, the man is irresolute, but that does not seem like a big problem when both choices mean a happy ending. Try to figure a way to up the stakes regardless of genre.
See lessA talented lonely man falls in love with his soulmate but everyday fighting brings out her past and his imaginary future.
yqwertz
Its all too vague. What is the man's talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn'Read more
Its all too vague. What is the man’s talent? How does the talent help or hinder his relationship with his soulmate? Why is he lonely when he sees his soulmate every day? What kind of future does he imagine? What event in her past stands in the way? Finally, why does this bother him today if it didn’t yesterday or last week or last year? What incident kicks the ball rolling?
Remember, a logline has to distinguish your film from others, so specifics are your friends.
See lessChris and his team plan to renovate a community of vacant row houses. After forcing a squatter out of one of the homes, they soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.
yqwertz
I think you misunderstood the previous commentators when they asked "who is the lead character?" They didn't mean give us his name, proper names have no place in loglines, rather they meant describe the lead character using traits that will either help or hurt him reach his goal. Now what is the leaRead more
I think you misunderstood the previous commentators when they asked “who is the lead character?” They didn’t mean give us his name, proper names have no place in loglines, rather they meant describe the lead character using traits that will either help or hurt him reach his goal.
Now what is the lead’s goal? What does he want to do after he realizes the neighbor hood has a “dark history”? Does he give up? Does he continue? Does he stop construction and call in a witch doctor?
As others said previously,? “dark history” is too vague to be interesting. How does your lead realize there is a dark history? Do his men start dying in odd accidents? Does he see ghosts? Be specific. You can hide the big reveal that comes at the end, but the essence of the first act must be clear.
Finally, a good place to start learning about loglines is by clicking on the “Formula” link at the top of the page.
See less